someone did actually email me a question from that meme. i was shocked. but it's an easy one. why the eff is this site called Elvis has left the building? good question. i have no idea. actually, i do sort of remember that that phrase used to be my away message in the dorm with the 24/7 internet access. (aside: is it any wonder we have brains at all, even if ill-functioning, going to school with 24 hour internet access? my heavens) elvisngraceland is an adaptation of my recently revealed as evil sister's email gracelandnvegas. (do i feel guilty about calling her evil here, not until she calls mom i don't) i guess it's a family thing, the elvis infatuation. Elvis has left the building on the IM never got as much attention as "i am not a crook" on the voicemail (i know how much you liked that dick!) but i liked it and it stuck. apparently. elvis brings me a whole lot of traffic. good man, that elvis.

this weekend i bought scented candles for my house. next stop teddy bear sweatshirts that say "i am beary special" or similar.

i am once again spending my saturday morning in town, at the library. i've been practicing my shifting. i drove up to cherryfield and it was lovely. i can no longer count the people who have pulled over/come over to see if my car is ok on two hands. i need an abacus. it's so nice, but it doesn't help me prove my point that i'm getting better at driving standard. i am. really. i didn't want to pull over and cry once today. but i did make myself nauseas in the walmart parking lot. i stopped and started about 50 times and i think i have it down now. i feel less like pulling into linnehan's credi-car and selling my soul. unfortunately i made a new discovery in the car today that has to do with the stereo. it does not play the tape that hooks to the cd player. and that is a damn shame. if the afternoon session and the next week of driving go well and i keep this car, i shall have to get a new stereo. i can't drive another 150,000 miles with no cd player. i am not that poor. i can sacrifice internet at home, cable tv, haagen dazs...but not music in the car. i'd sell my plasma for a car stereo that could play cds. maybe i will sell my plasma for a car stereo. always thinking (taps head).

"to my mom, cake, especially fancy expensive cake, is the only real currency. it's the only thing worth living for. the day she called to tell me she broke her rib she started out with ten minute discussion about the 5 cakes she ordered for my sisters' baby shower. the day of the baby shower, she told me the cakes were great and she couldn't remember most of what my sister received as gifts because she was busy with the cakes. at my graduation, she bought cakes to take into two different restaurants, on two different days. mmm cake."

this is from last spring. gosh she's funny. gosh she likes cake.

hate crime legislation? is it really necessary? should it matter what motivated one to commit a crime? this is today's discussion as many states are removing the homosexual additions to their hate crime laws because some preachers might get in trouble (which by the way they totally wouldn't unless they said to go out and scalp some drag queens). any opinions?

open letter to the man who pulled over last night to see if i was ok:

dear sir, thank you for your kindness last night at the east bound stop light on rte 3 near that dentist's office before the walmart light. i'm sorry i stalled 16 times in a row and missed three rounds of green lights. your wife looked really mad. when you guys passed me on the left to make the right hand turn, i was very relieved because it's embarrassing to stall 16 times in a row. but then you pulled over, and i thought i must have hit you what with all the rolling backwards. or maybe you had a life flight chilled heart in your car or similar and you might want to cuss me out for killing your organs. but instead you came over to make sure the car was ok. and when i told you the car was fine, the driver was the problem, i was very relieved that you laughed. it was necessary and kindly meant, if a little embarrassing, that you asked me if anyone had taught me how to drive standard. sadly the answer was yes, but you smiled anyway. you said to feel for the clutch and to press harder on the gas and try not to stop. i appreciated the advice, the rolling stop is my new favorite traffic violation! you looked genuinely proud when i finally got going, you know i couldn't stop to thank you because it would have taken HOURS. but you followed me for a while before turning around and that was very sweet. all the way home i thought about all the nice financing options for nice gently used automatic cars. i probably only have to be in hawk for about ten years! i also thought about how nice it was that you pulled over to check on me, and not to beat the shit out of me or just to say i'm stupid without being helpful too. so thanks for being so nice!

you know what happens when i have nothing to blog about. memes! oooh! ahhh! what completely unoriginal and totally mentally absorbent thing will i choose today...hmmm. if i did the ask me three questions one, would anyone ask me anything. i wonder because i see them all the time and I never ask any one 3 questions. but, should anyone wish to inquire of me, thrice even, i say bring it. you know, if you want to, or whatever.

allison bechdel has this cartoon where it's her at her drawing table and things are going awry and there are these boingy lines boinging around her and it says "nuance callibrator" and "satire chip" and they're all malfunctioning. that's how i feel today. disjointed logic, illformed opinions, terminal lack of the funny. i could chat on about stalling in traffic and getting run over by trucks that are 600 times the size of new car. but actually that hasn't happened. i just think about it a lot. i could blog about going to get my haircut tonight because i know greater excitement than the state of my hair is hard to come by. but really there is fuck all going on to chat about. maybe something fabulous will happen later, i can always hope for a fire.


***actually, something sweet happened last night. i made a friend. at the grocery store. her name is kayleigh and she's about 5. she gave me a sticker. that's love. babies are cute.

for anyone from hood who doesn't already know, rebecca sullivan was found passed away in her room. they're calling it an accident for now. when amymas fills me in, i'll fill you all in. in the meanwhile it's very sad and i hope we all remember her fondly.

today i'm writing thank you notes to the six gazillion people who send my mother get well cards and flowers. really, it's insane. she'll probably have her own postal code by next week and the phone rings off the hook. unfortunately some of the cards have been thrown away because my family would drown in hallmark if they didn't do something about them. nonetheless i have a hefty pile. i entreat you all to please put a return address on all of the mail you send because it is extremely difficult to match denise with a smiley face to any particular denise in mom's address book (which i stole because i'm sneaky...and lazy) and i know you want to save your correspondents' lazy ass daughters that trouble in future.
some of the letters and cards are very sad, and some are frankly a little disturbing. my mom knows a lot of weird people. one guy in particular who was in my parents yoga class feels that he has been "led" to their "crisis" and begs to be of assistance(err). some are from childhood friends. one in particular was about the night my mom and dad met...at the peppermint lounge! how risque!
if there is any nice part about this it's seeing the family pull together and sharing memories. my dad was telling me that he was only allowed in the room for my birth and not the other kids. lawrence general wouldn't let anyone in, but nashua memorial did. yay me? i heard the tale of my aunt's ill planned pregnancy and marriage to a man who was not the father but loved her anyway. my mom and her twin remembered being home alone from school while meme was at the races(meme, at the horse races?). my mom calls this child abuse, my aunt calls it faith in children's independance. hard call.

this is where chairman meow came from. i had to take some time before i linked here because frankly just knowing that funny like this exists makes it impossible for me to work. even dead puppies can't keep my face straight. enjoy!

things i learned this weekend:
1. you know you're an addicted blogger when folks start to call you because you don't post. (as i forgot to mention it, i took tuesday off for my sister's birthday)
2. emily is old, but not as old as i thought. (i gave her an extra year, if she hadn't had so many japanese cocktails she might have been upset)
3. my dad has always liked pickled eggs (my father and my uncle had been talking about the flushing power of various toilets, so it was rather a relief to hear this tidbit)
4. if your car smells like burning, your dad will let you take the honda
5. i learned that some cars have lug locks, and the nice tire guy will take you out and explain in great detail and patience when he sees your look of despair.
6. when a five year old calls chop sticks "fortune sticks" and the japanese chef laughs, everyone wins.
7. 2 out of 3 northern new england toll booth collectors will be genuinely relieved and happy for you when you finally get going again after the 3rd or 4th stall.
8. "in new mexico the out door ice cream stores close during the winter, not to mention during a snow storm" the father of emily's children has a lot to learn about new england.
9. when you clean out the china hutch which hasn't been touched since 1975 you will find something your father has been looking for for thirty years. literally.

i can't think of ten, i'm trying to ignore the fact that it's not even because IT DOES NOT MATTER. but i'm telling you it's hard. so my sister is older, my nephew is hysterical and the geo smells like burning. on the upside my dad forgot we negotiated 3000 and he decided on 2000 for the new car. either that or he's pissed at christine because she hasn't called.

if you all feel up to it, you can head back down the page to feb 14 and see a real live feral vegan show us all the light as regards free range. i guess lack of protein affects one's sense of humor. there must be thousands of beef eating misogynist blogs out there that would get so much more use out of that comment.

and to balance that with funny, i forgot to mention what my mom said last night about chairman meow. "if mrs. whatsit wasn't dead, would she be comrade whatsit?" she totally effing would be mom! except i didn't say eff to my mom, cuz she's my mom and she was a nun and it would be wrong.

mary "who were you talking about porn with on the phone"
me "customer's name here"
mary "that's ok then, i was a little worried when you said "how can i help you?"

Amy "i'm supposed to be studying for a midterm...err, which is exactly why i'm reading slate. what do you think of slaughtering the last of americas wild horses for the european meat market?" (handy dandy site)

Dennis "Europeans eat horses?"

Amy "apparently. have they no shame?"

Amy "i bet there's a really great horse sauce, and probably a special fork for the horse course. maybe with two prongs, like a hoof."

Dennis "Very funny"

Dennis "Does horse even taste good? I thought that was why we never ate them. Seems weird to eat them, almost like eating the family dog."

Amy "i don't know how horse tastes, i just found the chicken loophole (free range!). oh whoa, but i guess by those standards the horses are free range too. urgh."


and as an aside i've decided to put mare and amymas on payroll to come everyday and tell me i'm hilarious. better than that prozac.

the kitty is henceforth to be called "chairman meow". no questions.

customer "i used to strip for a living, for about 12 years. i fell off two stages stripping while drunk. but it didn't stop me. i incorporated it into the act (gives me a general idea as to what she did). shit happens when you're drunk."
me "no doubt"
customer "yup, but you got to keep on going"
me "yup. well, have a good day."

mary misses all the best stuff when she's on lunch.

i was supposed to be studying last night, but holly called. she adopted a feral kitten who apparently thinks she's a "freak show" and wants no part of her or her proffered treats. holly also has a date tonight for drink at 9. "nine, i have to go to bed at nine! who goes out for drinks at nine? this is philly, not new york". what with all the hilarity i totally forgot to study.
before i beat myself to death with rolled coin i have a few observations which i keep meaning to mention.
1. i love that the debit machine at rite aid asks for my "secret code" instead of pin. it makes me feel like james bond for five whole seconds every time i go there.
2. one of my favorite bank jobs is to change the date. when the day and the number are such that you only have to turn them around to have the proper date it really makes me happy. something about the simplicity and the balance of those actions brings me no end of pleasure.
3. it worries me a little that my neigher has three shelves of plastic horses, each with a little horse blanket (because it's cold out folks) in her bedroom. (whoa, that was supposed to be neighbor, that there's a freudian typo)
4. lipton changed the labeling of their iced tea, and it tastes better. really.
5. 4 of every 5 customers think my koi are goldfish
6. no one likes the pink conversation hearts
7. people will choose to park in one of our two spaces to go to the post office EVEN if every space in front of the post office is open. it's a psychological study.
8. this is neither here nor there but i do realize how often i misspell and it does bother me, but not enough to hit spell check because then you have to change every capitalization and i like it this way. (granted if i ever go back to school i'm screwed)
9. the cleaning lady has no respect for the delicate over all vision of my workspace and often places my ceramic koi at an unlikely angle for their swim pattern around the bamboo and it drives me...completely...insane.
10. i really am as anal about my desk as that last rant would have you believe and it does sort of worry me.

this is not exactly a tidbit, but it bears blogging. yesterday mary took up her post at the window to defend the honor of our parking spaces. and she started growling. and i asked if she was getting her cranky on? and she said yes, i have to start polishing my one-liners for the tourists.

morning mare.

in bar harbor news: the acadia restaurant is being taken apart. it will be an art gallery. there's nothing main street bar harbor needs like ANOTHER ART GALLERY.

i just had to google "kitten heel". now i'll never get to be a girl.

i have a banking midterm tomorrow. and i think this one might be hard. i might have to study for this one. i was thinking about it, and i can't remember studying in college. i must have. i vaguely remember typing for hours, and going to sheetz. but not studying. it feels alien to me. honestly, how did i matriculate?
sarah is searching for a new title. and while i think all my suggestions are worthwhile and helpful, she hasn't sent me a letter of thanks yet. so please, flood sarah with your helpful hints and insightful blog titles. bare naked sarahs? all my clever seems to be gone...

because mary and i are evil we were almost literally rolling on the floor this morning after reading an internal job description notice. mary couldn't form words, and i had to hide in the kitchen (you know how in the summer sometimes i have to hide under my desk, it was like that) to compose myself. it was such spectacle that chris asked us what we were laughing about and almost seemed amused when we told him. the desired employee must be able to grasp with fingers and palm on an object. the desired employee must be able to withstand fumes, gases and dust with little ventilation. the desired employee must be able to follow detailed, but uninvolved instructions using common sense. how much common sense can you expect to have after inhaling all that gas?

sarah my love, expect banana goodies to the extreme in the near future. my bananas are going to the dark side and that can only mean one thing...nanner bread. i made nanner chocolate muffins, you remember the ones from the fancy veg cookbook we made that time? but if i mail them today you won't get them till monday and that would be a nanner shame. so possibly i'll freeze a bunch of them and mail them on monday, which will be better. or maybe i'll just make you a fresh bread with some toasty pecans or something and mail that. you saw the recipe, the one with the brown sugar and the whole henhouse of eggs. maybe i could even roll the pecans in oats and brown sugar and then put them on the top, like i saw in this other recipe. i am a recipe slut. possibly even a baked goods whore. i've been very into the cooking lately. probably because i now have a kitchen, and it's unpacked, and who can resist cooking with the pink bowls? if my whole kitchen was pink i might never be able to leave.
my horoscope for today said that i should be mindfull of the millions of highpoints on the road i've chosen. which is exactly what i've been thinking lately. i've been trying to be conscience of all of my blessings and be happy with all that i have in my life. and so clearly i am aligned with the stars. mary's horoscope said she was going to die of a stress disease (kiroshi) previously only found in japan. "ahh, so that's what my problem is. i wonder if workman's comp covers that?". and that is blessing number one, my totally enjoyable job.

sarah, my soul is weeping because you have not blogged. i just thought you should know. it's possible even that jesus is crying. you made jesus cry. because you haven't blogged. can you deal with that responsibility?


(is that something you overheard, or something i overheard...the mother telling the kids that they were making jesus cry with the fighting? it's annoying that i can't tell the difference between our anecdotes and it makes me miss you lots.)

the wisconsin state quarter has a flaw. actually two. and here they are. the uproar has mary going through all of our wisconsin quarters with a magnifying glass. i suggested we find something sharp and add our own extra leaf, who'll know? i asked her if she thought a sautering iron would melt a quarter, she said not to worry we'd just file it as a loss. i nearly choked to death on my lemon lift. damn, she's funny.

hour follows hour like water in a river
and from one to the next
we don't know what each hour will deliver
we just call it like we see it
call it out loud as we can
and then afterwards we call it all water over the dam
maybe the moral higher ground
ain't as high as it seems
maybe we are both good people
done some bad things
i just hope it was okay
i know it wasn't perfect
i hope in the end we can laugh
and say it was all worth it

ani d

oh my. someone just asked me if i was engaged. i didn't understand and i said no maybe a little too vehemently. and this poor elderly woman, who was so ready to be thrilled for me, left the bank looking at me like i was INSANE. but now i've figured it out. amy the m's ring arrived today, in a black velvet ring box. and it's sitting on my desk because i'm so excited it's here. i could pretend i'm engaged to her. errr.

ooooh, i just got the best valentine. the bean book from holly. a whole book, about beans. with bean history and bean cartoons, and bean recipes. and the best part, she taped the whole package with scotchtape. my friend at the post office was absolutely amazed that it arrived. mental note to mail her packing tape.

and because i've been singing this to myself for weeks...and because lo unto the girliness that hath overtaken me i've been spending alot of time with my friends lip gloss and lip stick. i enjoy being shimmery. dammit.

little plastic castle-ani difranco

people talk about my image
like i come in two dimensions
like lipstick is a sign of my declining mind
like what i happen to be wearing the day
that someone takes my picture
is my new statement for all of womankind

so yeah, the chicken thing. i found a loophole. free range. t'was my sister who came up with this the other day. she was once a vegan and now shares the dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets with her son. and so we were talking about chickens, and their yumminess and isn't it a shame how badly we treat them before we eat them...and she said "what about free range?". what about free range indeed? so, the chicken loophole. there are still some things to get over. like, when the recipe you're reading says something like "season the carcass" or "save the innards". that's going to take some getting used to. my brother in law is very excited and is planning to make enchiladas next week to celebrate the chicken loophole.
one of our customers came in especially to wish us a happy valentine's day. how sweet is that? what a nice man.
as i didn't get home this weekend, i missed out on making reid's costume for the valentine's play. i also missed out on making pretzels with reid. bummer. so i have to think of something good to do next weekend. so i can be a cool aunt. i also plan to spend the weekend reminding my sister how OLD she is. as it is her birthday and she will be 33 (gasp!) because ofcourse life can't go on after 33. i've been conducting research on the year 1972...and i was planning a spectactular piece of modern art, but she seems genuinely bummed about reaching the hip breaking age of 33. so i think i'll just make the odd comment "you're as old as pong, but you're not as old as dirt". how would she know how much i care if i didn't torture her?
my parents didn't seem very upset about the "incident" with the car on saturday. my dad seemed relieved that the car wasn't dented. my mother said "well, you wouldn't have died, we know that". we know that because my sister has survived two horrendous accidents in the same model car i drive. why have children when you could have crash test dummies? they were in very good spirits all around. i asked my mom what they were doing for valentine's day and she said "we're going out drinkin" and i heard my dad in the background "she'll never believe that, tell her we're gonna stay home drinkin". the funniest part is my dad trying to find the most convincing lie to tell me.

i knew i was asking for trouble when i left the house wearing a brown belt and black boots (THE HORROR). i had the tiniest run in with a snow bank this morning. it wouldn't even be worth mentioning except that it was the snowbank on the opposite side of the road from which i was intending to travel. silly iced over roads. alas, the car and i are fine and some very nice folks in a very snazzy pick up truck helped me to dig out a bit. bless you kind truck driving folk! unfortunately i totally lost my nerve...twitch...shudder...and i didn't finish the drive home. which is why i am now currently in the bar harbor library using their internet and listening to someone play the piano (it's really quite lovely...i really should get tickets to that symphony concert in march...i'm not tickled about going alone and the only person i know who will admit to liking classical music is dennis (hi!) who doesn't seem very keen to go).
and to all that excitement i must add that our dear furry friend Mrs. Whatsit has gone on to the big happy habitrail in the sky. her plump furry roundness is no more, and it is very sad.

my parents got the box of bread and they didn't open it. how could they be related to me? did they think it was a bomb or something? who can resist opening a package? i can't. it's super human, that kind of resistance.

moonshadow matt has quite the thread of id theft info on his page. makes me proud!
my quiz for law and banking got an %85(is the percent supposed to go after the number? is there a hyphen in anal retentive?. even though it's "just" banker class, it still pisses me off.
it may be obvious that i have become fairly addicted to re-editing my posts lately. i've also been culling the oldest of the archives because i was such an asshole! but then maybe that's the point of being 20, wallowing in asshole. point being, it disturbs me to read some of them and see how badly they reflect who i am now, and actually who i was then too, and so i'm editing. i'm feeling really conflicted lately about who i am. a lot of the realities of my life are changing. and while i expect to get shit about it in various ways, things must go on eh? it's fun living away from all expectations, and that is exactly what bar harbor is like for me. i always felt as though there was one way i was expected to be in high school. unerringly this was "nerd", and if i ever did anything that varied from that norm it was a shock. it was the same at hood except i was expected to be well, y'all know. especially sarah who was tainted by association. have i apologized enough for that yet? this is what happens when it's february and it's snowing like armageddon apparent and i have nothing to do but think and blog and write so much that when i get all the way down here i can't remember what my damn point was. so uhh, expections. well, here they are completely different from any i've experienced before. no one expects me to champion gay causes left and right, although sometimes i do. and that is refreshing after 4 years of it. the opposite of that is that i'm assumed to be completely straight. this i have confirmed with a party we'll call "jason" and WHOA is that a long story that i don't want to tell except that i will never ever date him, and not because he's a boy. that is becoming less of an issue, sort of like the eating of the mammals is becoming less of an issue. it's all part of the doing as one wishes referendum i passed a few months ago. oddly it's all harder than coming out in the first place, dating boys, eating chickens. how will i tell my parents?

it's still snowing and the power is flickering a bit. mary is planning to bake cookies later. she's very concerned that the power might go out because that would mean no cookies. i have to remember how lucky i am, we have so much fun here.

it's all back to normal. there seems no way at all to do to the archives what i wish...c'est la vie.
mare, ellsworth is about half an hour away, bangor an hour. machias is wicked far, as i discovered on saturday. i didn't actually make it, although i think holly and i will try again on her spring break. it was a very nice drive down rte 1, i feel as though i should go all the way up as well...oooh calais. say it with me, callus. it's sort of like how we (we being sarah and myself) always wanted to pronounce gallaudet the french way. funny how the deaf have no respect for the intonation de la langue francais.

mary's boss "what's the snow like in bar harbor?"
mary "white?"


apparently that was a good enough answer to close early!

i think i killed the archives. i wanted them to go from recent to least recent, but it seems that that is not possible. i'm looking into new templates...it's always fun when i start screwing with the html.

i just unblocked myself from my stats, as in now i see everytime i link to me. and i'd like to formally apologize to everyone who does the stat thing and has to see exploremaine like 5000 times a minute. it must be really annoying. and it's glaringly obvious how BORING my day is. so, err, sorry.

on the phone with emily last night:

E: so they got mom a stairmaster.
A: a stairmaster?
E: yeah, you know, for the steps.
A: but why a stair master, she can't do the steps.
E: that's why.
A: if she can't do the steps why does she need a stairmaster
E: they can buy a stairmaster if they want
A: ofcourse they can, i just don't get why
E: oh shit, not a stairmaster like at the gym, the elevator seat thing, its called stairmaster or something.


E: all we do is eat at my house
A: well look at your genes
E: shut up! that was rude. oh, you mean like genes with a g, not a j.

i am reminded of something my mother once said about me. a friend of hers (who i never liked actually) remarked when i was about 12 that i was growing into a pretty woman. and my mom said "yes, she is pretty. and don't ever cross her." my mom knows me very well.

i purchased a mid-range cd player, that actually is not pink. it is however "jog-proof" and that can't be anything but good. "proof" is always a good adjective for something that's going to live in my house to be used by me. i like going to bangor. there was great radio: toadies, pearl jam, things you would never hear in bar harbor. mary speaks like it's the end of the earth, actually most people do. even ellsworth is too far. "ellsworth, you're going to ellsworth, but it's so far" what am i doing with my life that i don't have time to go to ellsworth? distance is a very relative thing. it's worth it to drive an hour if you get to be reckless in target, and hear good radio.

in other topics, and not to dwell on the sad, but some folks have a false impression of my relationship with my mom. it isn't bad. it really isn't. she may be insane, but then she has always been insane. she treats me differently from my siblings because i am different, and i understand and appreciate that now though i never could as a child. she is kind and generous and genuinely wants to protect us from what is happening. and that is the reason for the silence. it is not because we aren't close. we are close. while it is true that we never discuss it, we all understand each other, as we all understand what is happening. we have been waiting for this for 15 years. and for the last year we have all been hoping that this time would turn out like last time. but last time she was 15 years younger. in her soul she is still a fighter, but her body is betraying her.
she wanted to buy the apartment building so she would know i had a home when she is gone. to ease my worries. so please, anyone who would criticize my mother take a warning now that i will not hear it. anyone who would think it would bring me comfort to hear that you always knew my mother wouldn't get better, take warning as well. so did i. so did she. so did my father, my sisters and my brother, and none of us needs your corroboration.

this weekend on a stress relieving shopping spree, a stress coping technigue inherited from my mother :), i purchased a sort of mp3 player. those who know me well can attest to the number of cd players i have gone through in my lifetime (i can think of atleast 7*) so i thought that i could hitch to the very end of the mp3 bandwagon and break my bad luck portable music streak at the same time. but alas. i did just get the $100 memorex thing, so it wasn't as though i killed a 300 ipod or something. and really, i don't think i killed it. i think it was DOA. i loaded the software, i put in the battery. all as per directions. honestly, i read the directions. boxes were supposed to pop up. drives were supposed to be accessible. and well, you get the picture. i gave up for the moment and cooked dinner and came back hours later to try and press my luck and lo and behold there was an error. please re-format data. how does one reformat data to a drive one can't access? i am going back to bangor tonight, and i shall return said device. and i shall buy a cheap-ass cd player and when that breaks i shall replace it with no hard feelings. i think i saw pink ones at target. oooooh.


amy the mas is going to overnight bread from the yummy bakery to my parents. is she not the coolest? how thrilled will they be? there's nothing they like more than eating.


* a portable cd player was my birthday gift every year from age 12 until college. i remember going to service merchandise (does this place exist anymore) with my dad and everytime he would say "didn't we do this last year, don't you have one of these?" and i would say yeah, i broke it. and he would tell me to be more careful with this one. every year. not that it helped. i swear they broke of their own accord. like the family's new video camera that i borrowed once and it broke because i hit record. i swear that's all i did. they had to buy a new one.

my parents and my mom's oncologist are having a meeting tonight to decide whether or not to keep fighting the cancer. her body can't take the chemo anymore and it's not reducing the cancer anyway. i expect they'll decide to stop fighting and try to let her regain some of her strength for the months she has left.
i know this not because my parents told me, but because emily called the doctor herself. the prognosis was 6-8 months from october. she's in the hospital now, due to dehydration, and i'm sure if my sister hadn't told me i'd have never heard about that either. christine can't be reached, doesn't want to be reached. i'm toying with the idea of tracking down her ex-patriot ass, she could at least call.
i always thought it would be better to have warning about a death, with a sudden death you don't get to say goodbye. what i never considered is this, how do say goodbye to your mom?

this has been the most frustrating banking day since october when my 300 jamaican boyfriends all closed their accounts on the same day. mary just said "forget a drink, i need a bottle" and i can't think of a better way to sum up the situation.

(the highlight of course was mimi calling to tell me how wonderful i am and how they steyed up all night to read my archives...how cute are they?)

kristen null and void called last night and we had a nice chat. and she said she'd totally move to vermont with us, so that's cool. she also said the new ani album is super cool and so i've ordered it. also the lounge style tribute album because that has to be worth a laugh. i can't wait!

i'm having a crabby day. today i do not want to chat about the weather with every customer. i did notice it's warm out, i have this great stuff called skin that senses temperature just like yours! i'm tired of this senseless need to discuss how cold it is or how warm it is. it's boring folks, boring.
actually, i do not want to chat about anything with the customers today. unfortunately chatting is part of my job description: pontificating meaningless pleasantries ALL DAY LONG. and i'm just done. every time the door opens i hope they're just going to the atm and that i will be left in peace. so i can post my meaningless pontifications to the web without delay. damn it.

mary and i spent the afternoon yesterday chatting with mr. financial services. he asked me what kind of car i drove and i said "geo prizm...why?" and he said "oh, i would have guessed volkswagen or honda civic." isn't that weird? he is either psychic or i'm a stereo typical cheap green person. he hinted at the latter. we share alot of cheap people characteristics. he doesn't have tv or a real phone either. the highlight is that even though we are so different we can still bond by being cheap. it's a beautiful thing.
so the thing we were talking about the other day, which thankfully we didn't get into yesterday because i think mary might have lunged at him, about the birth rates went as such: his reasoning for the lesser birth rates is because of abortion. just abortion. i can give it a tiny bit of partial credit, itty bitty, but that cannot be the entire reason. right. that would be discredit all of women's lib and sex ed and even the effect of further industrialization and suburbinization and it would make no sense at all. so you see how i couldn't form a worthwile argument to save my life. i'm having the trouble with the words lately. making sentences and all. so he wins by default. there's a strategic genius behind repetition and a powerful tone.

the fuzzies are thawed and i have on cute tights. it's a great day in bar harbor.
i'm off to ellsworth this evening, to go to the funky shoe store. i went tuesday night before my haircut and i bought these. and frankly, i'm just not sure. i have some kind of shopping turrets where i say "i'll take it!" when i'm holding the strangest things. i do think they're cute, everything in that store is cute including the very nice owner (who in her first week being open had a stolen police car and a gun waving maniac drive through her front window...so she deserves a break and some business...who says ellsworth isn't exciting?) anyway, i think i'm going to rethink the purchase. there will definitely be the buying of cute shoes...with the money i just got from j. jill and my mother's completely insane catalogue choices.

oh my god. if the heat comes back on mrs. whatsit will be baked. wrut wroe.

the heats broken again. i'm afraid i'm going to have fuzz-cicles when i get home where my cute soft pets used to be. i put the hamster cage under the bed covers, it's all i could think of. poor fuzzies.

so uhh, dennis and i spent the morning discussing the disparity in the generations since the baby boomers. ie, that generation was so big, what's the deal with all these tiny generations since? and as my brain is dead (those paramedics in NC said so) what do you academic folks think? as he is certain that there will be serious slamming of his proffered explanation...i shan't blog it. yet. i was thinking along the lines of birth control and women's emancipation. any other ideas? disease or something, i don't know. help me!

if i was a doll...errr. what do we think of those highlights? i don't think i could carry off blond highlights. maybe i ought to try it out.
make your own doll here, it's good fun. and clean.