this morning i realised that i've been doubly signing in to statcounter for over a month simply because i refuse to read three inches of the computer screen. i have it set to remember me because i'm lazy, but lately i've had to sign in every morning which is adversely effecting my usual standard of laziness. what i didn't notice was that every morning it says "Welcome Elvis!" all perky right above the boxes for signing in. this is sort of lik how i always pay way too much for parking tickets because i dont read them. i'm so busy freaking out that i got a parking ticket and paying it before the man tracks me down and lays the smake down on my parking that i don't even notice until after i pay it that i paid the "after 2 weeks this much is owed" amount instead of the cheap before two weeks this much is paid amount. it's expensive to be neurotic. and it's more effort to be lazy. the tao of amy.
but anyway. today my goals are: finish dumb banking class, submit resume to UMO, freak out about matt's plans to build me a house. catch that last one. a house. hmm. with walls and stuff. bizarre.
before i rant about the house thing, i've been pondering applying at UMO. it's just a regular job, but it would be cool to have free grad school and it's a little more money than the bank and there would be more young people in orono. i could have like, friends. i have to ask mary if she'd be willing to recommend me.
matt seems happy enough for me to make more money and have grad school free, it seems he would also like for me to live with him in amherst. which is where he is building. it's tempting because i'm poor, and he's nice. it's probably a bad idea because i've only known him for 6 months, he has no electricity* or running water as of yet, and because the apartment is very small, and mostly because i would have nothing of my own and i'd feel out of place in what was supposed to be my home and i couldn't live like that. mr. matt is a practical soul, and will understand most of those reasons, the last one will be hard for him.
it seems, especially per the house conversation of last evening, that he has decided about me where i haven't really decided about him. he was showing me what he planned to build and asking my opinion. i know he's stepping up his plans because i'm in his life, because that's how he puts it himself. he told me once that he couldn't see the sense in building a house with more than two bedrooms, and i saw my life flash before my eyes: a life just like his parent's. which since they're happy folks shouldn't disapoint me, but who wants to life someone else's life? meanwhile, the house he wants to build is something like this. check out the gallery. so i guess the life he wants isn't someone else's, it's very much his own. it's his own vision and that i can get behind. not that i'm ready to move in with him. with or without a beautiful house. but they take a long time to build, plenty of time to think about it.

*technically he has a generator. so there is electricity. sometimes.