re:paying for dinner. months back, during my last trip to md, kirsten gave me a laundry list of boy/girl dating comparisons. it was as fascinating to hear it from her as it is to experience it myself. one of her top points about dating boys is that they like to pay for stuff, some kind of alpha male thing, and she suggested not only to take advantage of this but also that it is insulting not to. which i get, while having some reservations in practice. my policy in practice is to offer, accept his answer graciously either way and to always say thank you.* he usually suggests i get the tip if i want to contribute, which i think is more than fair for my part.
as i refer to later in the footnotes(but since i just wrote it, it seques nicely on my end) i've spent a fair bit of time lately trying to figure out what i want. out of life, relationships, yadda yadda. lord knows i have the time, i ought to use it eh? amymas and i chatted about our relationship stuff, such as me following her lead to purge the negative. there was a lengthy discussion about attraction. such as someone who's attractive gets less attractive if they're uhm...an asshole. conversely someone who might not spark immediately gets more attractive by the merit of their character.
this is where i am stuck right now. it's hard not to be attracted to someone who is nice to you and treats you well. and this boy, he's SO nice. he listens to what i say and remembers it. he thanks me for the time we spend together. he doesn't complain, ever. he's willing to compromise and appreciates my willingness to compromise. he's observant (he noticed the chilled plum without prompting) and complimentary, without any hint of slimyness. and i can't help thinking "what's wrong with that?". what is wrong with spending time with someone who's kind and enjoys your company, and who's company you rather enjoy too. i know part of it is lonliness. and the whole thing is weird and out of my frame of reference. but for heavens sakes, he knew that johnson killed kennedy and we could have talked about it for hours.** good sign.

*jennifer, for all the crazy and disingenuous behavior, was always polite (atleast about that kind of stuff) and did know how to behave kindly and thoughtfully. i've been thinking about that recently under the guise of figuring out what i want at the moment.
**because we're dorks.