things to blog about today: stalactites in my freezer, help! my shark is rabid, what is the definition of deal, and a further installment of why one does not take what i write literally. maybe that should be my banner title.

first with the stalactites, or maybe it's stalagmites. whichever one riseth from the floor of caves. that's what i made totally on accident in my newly filled, partially frozen ice tray last night and it was the coolest! i just wanted to share that because it really made me happy.

so, remember the shark! (roar!!!*). it worked so well, and sucked so much dirt, and thus filled my heart with joy and light. it totally stopped sucking this weekend. i've been rather unenthusiastic about cleaning lately so i wasn't all over figuring out the problem. i've just been amusing myself by pretending it's rabid and man eating. better to leave it alone then, eh? but then last night, with the cleaning and all, i took apart mr. shark and lo and behold, his shark jaw parts were totally clogged with virtual rabid foam. or, cat furr. it's a white cat. use your imaginations. anyway, that is why i spent an hour attacking the foam with tweezers thus redeeming the awesome sucking power. (and per the lesson learned...30 helens would agree that you can't spend too much money on a good vacuum cleaner if that show was still on the air)

dick asked me last night what "deal" means exactly and i couldn't really answer. and so i ask sarah for her input. it's a very versatile phrase. "stuff it in your deal" which i think could be any orifice really "what's her deal?" is more like...why is she being such a biatch? or "i left my thing in the deal" (and if you didn't know that that phrase is a catchall for all the things laura couldn't immediately name that last one is pretty disturbing) which probably means i left my coat in the car. sarah, any more light on this subject.

when i said we were going to cover some ground a few posts back, i did not mean that i'm going to do a power point presentation on the requirements to be my friend. i'm not actually that much of an asshole. (of course the power point is available for those interested) i was thinking more along the lines of not taking down my butchies poster. i am not going to play straight any more than i have to. playing straight is a full time job. i do it all day. at work: switching pronouns and pretending that getting married and making babies (such as the adorable one named grace pictured on my station) is a normal and expectable future for me. in the grocery store if i buy something that looks like a baking/cooking extravaganza i get "your boyfriend's a lucky man" or worse "who's this man you're trying to impress" (i really hate this woman in particular). at the car wash "your boyfriend should be doing that for you". while most of these are innocent and kindly meant, it's annoying and wearying because it is not reasonable for me to say "well gee, i don't have a boyfriend and usually i only date women but i've been moving toward a more bisexual stance lately so maybe one day there will be a man washing my car but for now can you make that a deluxe wash please?". it is not reasonable to do anything but smile and go on with my day. i do however think it is reasonable for someone who wants to spend time with me to have an honest look at who i am. i think i owe this to myself as much as anyone i'm hanging out with. i take no pleasure in being with someone with a running dialogue of "i wonder how much they'd hate me if they only knew this". i'm over worrying about what people think of me, or who i choose to date.
i realize that no one, except for maybe sarah, who isn't queer can have any idea what it's like to have none of your casual acquaintance know you. no one here, except for matt, annie and "jason" know who i really am. there are reasons for this beyond my privacy. i could be fired for it in the state of maine (that is not my company's policy, luckily) and it would be legit (but there is a new bill). it is also a small town, and while i don't expect violence i also don't need the attention. if i choose to let someone in, i choose to give up the pre-tense. i'm not going to pretend that all of my adult life and a large part of who i consider myself to be doesn't exist to keep anyone's friendship. i've done it. it was called highschool.
so uhm, the theoretical line in the sand is not hiding the pictures of amymas in drag because it might look "gay", she's one of my favorite people and i'm proud to know her. ditto shannon. ditto my butchies poster and the rainbow nuns. ditto the rainbow on my fridge and the human rights campaign symbol on my door. i've done the hiding who i am thing, and it's SO not worth it. i'd rather spend my evenings drawing on my own than in the company of someone who thinks my choices are wrong or inferior.

*i do know sharks don't go roar!!! but don't you think they would if they could. and besides, vacuums totally go ROOOOOOOOOOOAAAAARRRR so it's all good.