i've sort of been thinking lately about privacy and blogs and public masks and all sorts of deep things. someone asked me about my blog and if they could read it or if it is too private. and no, i don't want them to read it, but i don't really see how i could stop them. i don't give real life folks the url unless i want them in my audience, but it's not exactly hard to find. i think they were hoping for deep dark secrets. or something. i might discuss my house and my job but the only really personal thing i talk about here is my mom's illness. it felt sort of like a dare, if it's so private why do you post it on the internet? and that is true, which is why i don't post about private things. the content here is driven by the desire to keep up with my friends from school and reminisce about things like caution cone curling and international bed diving. so it's more virtual alter to my asshole college behavior than it is a journal of my private thoughts. so, err, just to clarify: this blog is not private. not in the sense that my soul lies here and there is no truth to the rest of my life.
this blog is not a very good representation of who i am or what i'm like in person or of everything that i do or think. and i believe that's why i do not wish person x to read it. take for example dennis. i mock him here a whole lot less than i mock him in person and everything i have said about him is true and not unkind (he is cute, he is conservative, he did compare my words to bush's on one occasion) but i would freak the hell out if he left a comment one day. or take say, holly. she knows i have a blog, and she knows she sometimes comes up here, but she doesn't read it. she read it a few times but she said it's not the me she knows. it's not even the me she thinks is funny. how's that for honesty, the bitch. (that's ok because she doesn't read this) so, the short of this very long dialogue is...reads back to recall original point...that while the blog is not private, the blogger is. intensely so. it's not that i would say something here that i wouldn't in real life. but in real life you don't get to script every situation. in real life there are appearances to maintain and feelings to consider. so, if you who asked me for this url has found the blog, i bear you no ill will. props for your googling skills. you found me whether i like it or not.

gee that ended sort of grrry. it really wasn't meant to be grrry. maybe some of you other bloggers will get what i mean. it's just a blog.