"lots of stories to tell. flirty mcflirtster, my sister:the sun, 'i thought you were driving!' or 'this is a private conversation, you'll have to leave'. you choose." so that was sort of like russian roulette, and now i feel bad that miss sarah got the bullet(sorry babe!). the rest of those stories are fluff, and since pinky counts as two and titles two and three can probably be combined we'll finish off the err...chamber.* and also, the *'s are a little out of control today. my bad.

so, my sister christine came to visit. all the way from japan. after no talkies for almost a year. and it's like nothing happened. like everything is fine and it's not unusual to not call your family in a year whether or not someone is ill. but whatever. she is the most selfish creature ever begat (begotten? sara isn't sure). she's the one who told me, the last time my mom was sick, that she was going to die and i'd have to go live with my godparents.** well, so, yeah christine deals with things in her own way. mostly by ignoring them. and moving across the world. while she was here though, she was really very good. she busted her self absorbed butt to take care of my mom and drive matt to work and appreciate my dad's cooking. if i was honest i would say she did more than me. i can't change bedpans, i just can't***. however, she who has been home for a week was telling emily to cut up mom's food, was telling me to walk quietly on the stairs and explaining that she had to wake up in the night to take care of mom.**** the very best part was when my mom's sister (who visits three times a week and is a professional nurse and gives my dad the only real breaks that he gets) came over and told my sister how to do some little thing for mom. and christine says to me "like i haven't been taking care of her for a week!!!" irony is alive and well.
sadly, and rather more annoyingly, she did the same thing with emily's kids. she gave reid behavioral instructions not befitting a five year old***** (and also with no right as they are not her children). she who drives twice a year insisted on driving the mini-van filled with emily's offspring (even after she couldn't find the gear shift and set off the panic alarm). when i told emily christine drove, she said "oh my god! i thought you were driving!" i didn't mention that christine missed a buckle on the baby seat, you know the one holding the precious tiny baby, because emily would have gone all exorcist on her ass and then she'd go to jail. the best part was when christine changed the baby and screamed at me to help her like it was my fault she put the dirty diaper in the baby's reach. emily did tell me that she'd always rather i be taking care of her kids, which makes me feel very happy and fluffy inside. the most interesting thing about having the three sisters home is the exponential increase in gossip. when it's just emily and i, the gossip is little. when christine is around, we gossip about her. and christine gossips about emily to me. and i know that they gossip about me. it's a fascinating dynamic. but i still get the kids so i don't care.

so i don't know if that came out as funny and ironic as it was at the time, it should be obvious that i'm not myself lately. however, matt and i have big plans for happy later. mini-golf. and there had better be ice cream. the best part about hanging out with matt is that i don't have to talk. we can just sit and stare at the ocean, or watch chairman meow play, and he won't ever say "what's wrong, what did i do, are you pmsing******?".

there is no segueway, so next up is flirty mcflirtster. or rather, i was a big slut on friday. i can't remember if i mentioned the infamous tank top incident of monday(she reads the past week and sees she didn't mention it) so i'll sum it up quickly. i wore a very cute, very pink (with beads!) tank top that might have been a little low cut for your average bankteller. but it was so cute. anyway, kevin came in on monday and i thought he stared a little longer than necessary...and then it got confirmed when mr. matt mentioned it later in the week. as kevin comes in almost every friday, this friday i wore another rather low cut t-shirt, with sparkles(which is why i bought it). and whoa was it ever a day of debauchery. i haven't heard what kevin thought of it yet, although maybe i don't need to know, but sara and i have tabulated the results like it was a science experiment. our star subject was mr. flirty, who works at another bank. he came by to make a deposit. and there was of course, the usual flirting for five or ten minutes. but then he came back on his way home. to get his balance (which can be done over the phone, at our atm or indeed at his). and show us that he had stuck his bank's sticker over our insignia on his calendar (clearly our calendar's are superior and he is in denial) and chit chat for about 15 minutes: asking who the baby was, my plans for the weekend, where i went to college, et c. and then he came in again yesterday. to cash a 20 dollar check. which he could have easily done at his teller line. sara and i are laying in wait for the next move. i never would have noticed this without sara. straight girls are so smart. it's fascinating really. no wonder there's so much money to be made from the dating woes of the heterosexuals.

*catch me and my gun references.
**thus causing me to refuse to go to school for weeks and my sick mother had to cajole, threaten and force me onto the school bus so she could drive an hour and a half to work and leave early to get her chemo (you know those stories about your parents walking uphill both ways to school...my mom wins, hands down.) did i mention that her car was a lemon and the windows wouldn't roll down so she had to throw the toll tokens over the door into the thingy. and then the door wouldn't close when it was really cold...yeah, well, maybe you get the picture.
***in this respect the black sheep kick the asses of the goody-two-shoes. matt and christine have both impressed the shit out of me in the home care department. on the otherhand, emily and i will have to arrange the funeral and deal with the mourners completely on our own.
****because emily hasn't been feeding my mom for months, and i've never answered my mom's calls in the middle of the night.
*****i lay no claim to being the best babysitter or the best auntie, but i spend a whole lot more time with emily's kids than she does. i know how emily disciplines. i know that reid will listen to you if you speak to him like a person and engage his attention and praise the good behavior. i also know more or less which battles emily will choose to fight and those she'll leave. ie: you can not ask a five year old to sit quietly at a table of adult women discussing facials interminably. if he wants to lay on my lap and quietly tell me there's gum under the table, don't be offended. atleast he's not eating crayons.
******do you have ANY idea how annoying that is coming from a girl? that is a black hole of annoying.