this poor, sad, untended blog. every time i load it i look at the currently reading and i wince. not only did i finish devil in the white city sometime in 2005 i done sold it so long ago i can't remember what the price was. does it inspire me to update, not so much. i frequently re-read books, and read parts of two or three books in the same day and sometimes i don't read at all. i slog around the internet all day, chewing my nails till they bleed because i am so bored i don't even have the will to pick up a book and turn the pages. hi! how's your day?

i don't know what the deal with the blogging is. unlike sarah, i never wanted to be a writer. despite a few english teachers telling me i had talent when i was younger. even in college, while my grammar sucked sweaty goat balls, i got some compliments on my writing. but why pursue something you might be good at when you can flounder half-assedly at something else. like a history degree. and then you can go work at a bank and write about shoe shopping all day. and then maybe you can totally ignore that site until it's really just the worlds slowest instant messenger with the adorable sarah, who also seems to have given the daily blogging the heave ho.

so, we're all heaving. and hoing. atleast i don't feel alone. but there's another secret. while i've been totally neglecting this blog for no reason except that every time i load blogger to post i sit here impotent and cranky and then go look at shoes, i've been sort of kind of writing at this other site. a fat girl site. because darrin's dance grooves really was the last straw. so i'm torn. i started that site because there were some things that just didn't seem to fit here, and there are some things that don't really fit there. over there we talk about fat stuff, like numbers and sizes and cookies and unseemly things like menstrual cycles. the content, it's different and it's often boring and frustrating and emotionally loaded. and you know, here i talk about people yelling at the atm. or i used to...when i used to tell you guys stuff.

so i'm letting the secret out. it doesn't completely explain why i haven't been posting here. i have been funneling energy somewhere else but it sure as hell isn't for lack of trying to get posts up here. i'm not killing this blog. there's too much here i don't want to lose. i'm also signing up for a writing class. summer school. i'm thinking maybe journalism but it's cheap so i could do two. for now, unless i have a project to do or something, i'm putting up the detour signs, directing you to where i am now. with full warning that it is a fat girl blog. with fat girl links, and commenters and people who cheer over the loss of a few pounds. that's where my brain is now.

there will be updates here, but i'm not going to continue the pretense that this blog is going to jump back into life. even dostoyevsky finished a novel or two, verbose muthafuckah that he was. is it so bad to finish one thing to start another?