in case anyone else was wondering, matt my fake boyfriend does not read this site, does not know it exists and doesn't need to, i don't think. i don't know how he would feel about it, but it's mine and it's not communal property and he's not likely to run into it. how would he feel if he knew i called him my fake boyfriend. if it broke his heart i would know he was laboring under false pretenses. we've had the discussion many times, in many ways. and frankly it's just an amy-ism* that i can't change. that i don't want to change. if it's that bothersome to anyone, no one is forced to visit this site and read about my callousness. i like to think that my behavior to him is the same as to anyone else, i'm as kind and as honest and as crazy as i am with any of my other friends.
he claims to appreciate, opposed to being annoyed, that i am different from other girls and doesn't mind the oblivious thing** actually he said it was cute. but then i haven't set his house on fire yet, so i think cute might have a statute of limitations. the word he used is "eclectic". i can totally understand why he would say that, but it seems a bit unwieldy just for lil' ol' me.
so uhm yeah. i very rarely mean to offend. and if i do there usually is no question of my meaning. there might only be one way to get a direct response from me, and that is when someone pisses me off. then i can be direct and focused and sometimes articulate. in my rage. but for real, if i offend him with my language or behavior, why would he want to hang out with me? if i offend anyone here with my word usage and blaise-ivity*** there are only like a gazillion other websites and blogs to read. i don't see the point in editing myself, at this stage of my life, except for a little bit at work. and maybe a little for my family and the families of my friends****. but it's really not worth it, it's a hard charade to keep up.


*if i could edit as i speak, i wouldbut generally it's either full throttle or tortured silence, and i'm done being silent for the comfort of others (see previous post) so it's full throttle with fake boyfriends and craptastic t-shirts (hi holly!) and super natural cleaners.
**i sort of left the window on the passenger side open, when it was raining, and he didn't yell at me or complain even though his seat was really wet. additionally, i thought i had ruined my new bag and he was all concerned even though his wet seat was so much more pressing.
***this really worked, in my head.
****hey holly, remember that time i told christine's mom we were going out to do drugs and pick up whores? no wonder they thought i was the bad seed. did i actually say the whore's thing? maybe i just thought it. do you remember?