someone just gave me seven grand in hundreds that smell like my grandma. does that count as mutilated currency do you think?

this poor, sad, untended blog. every time i load it i look at the currently reading and i wince. not only did i finish devil in the white city sometime in 2005 i done sold it so long ago i can't remember what the price was. does it inspire me to update, not so much. i frequently re-read books, and read parts of two or three books in the same day and sometimes i don't read at all. i slog around the internet all day, chewing my nails till they bleed because i am so bored i don't even have the will to pick up a book and turn the pages. hi! how's your day?

i don't know what the deal with the blogging is. unlike sarah, i never wanted to be a writer. despite a few english teachers telling me i had talent when i was younger. even in college, while my grammar sucked sweaty goat balls, i got some compliments on my writing. but why pursue something you might be good at when you can flounder half-assedly at something else. like a history degree. and then you can go work at a bank and write about shoe shopping all day. and then maybe you can totally ignore that site until it's really just the worlds slowest instant messenger with the adorable sarah, who also seems to have given the daily blogging the heave ho.

so, we're all heaving. and hoing. atleast i don't feel alone. but there's another secret. while i've been totally neglecting this blog for no reason except that every time i load blogger to post i sit here impotent and cranky and then go look at shoes, i've been sort of kind of writing at this other site. a fat girl site. because darrin's dance grooves really was the last straw. so i'm torn. i started that site because there were some things that just didn't seem to fit here, and there are some things that don't really fit there. over there we talk about fat stuff, like numbers and sizes and cookies and unseemly things like menstrual cycles. the content, it's different and it's often boring and frustrating and emotionally loaded. and you know, here i talk about people yelling at the atm. or i used to...when i used to tell you guys stuff.

so i'm letting the secret out. it doesn't completely explain why i haven't been posting here. i have been funneling energy somewhere else but it sure as hell isn't for lack of trying to get posts up here. i'm not killing this blog. there's too much here i don't want to lose. i'm also signing up for a writing class. summer school. i'm thinking maybe journalism but it's cheap so i could do two. for now, unless i have a project to do or something, i'm putting up the detour signs, directing you to where i am now. with full warning that it is a fat girl blog. with fat girl links, and commenters and people who cheer over the loss of a few pounds. that's where my brain is now.

there will be updates here, but i'm not going to continue the pretense that this blog is going to jump back into life. even dostoyevsky finished a novel or two, verbose muthafuckah that he was. is it so bad to finish one thing to start another?

i'm a shoe-a-holic. i just added zappos to my favorites list. three pairs this week. it's definitely a problem, my apartment's not big enough. and you know, the only thing that i can think of is that kids in the hall sketch..."don't got shoes, just got feet". no more shoes until i make a social engagement to leave my house. it doesn't matter how cheap those chinese laundry heels were, you don't wear stillettos to wash dishes.

so i'm driving myself crazy with the shopping. i'm a need to cut the cord to the internet at work. and take a chaperone to marshalls with me. you know, it must be my mom saying hi, that woman loved to shop. and you know what else, the paul simon song 'the mother and child reunion' was on in the car this morning. i couldn't help smiling. hi mom!

it's flooding where my family lives. you reckon they'd call if there was an issue huh?

it's been raining all week. i have nothing remotely interesting to say. the weeks seem to be flying by but the days just drag. my sister called to tell me they're having a mass for mom on the 16th. it came so fast. i never thought this year would end. and then you get to the end and you realize grief doesn't end at any one turning point of time. and you wonder how you got through the days only a year ago, only six months ago.

mother's day is sunday. last year i made my mom a card. she couldn't keep her eyes open to read it and fell asleep with it in her hands. it's going to be a harder month than i thought.

if you don't keep a check register you will eventually get fucked, and it's NOT my fault. it's been a long day.

i bought self tanner this weekend. the desperation, it runs deep. it's not the traditional kind, it's called "natural glow" and i have high hopes. i got the fair skin formula (obviously) and i'm starting it today. that stuff isn't bad for you is it? she asks after using it. can't be as bad as a sunburn anyway. hopefully by the time i see sarah i'll be glowing naturally. i can't wait.

since i sold the del sol, i see one everywhere i go. it's starting to freak me out. i keep chanting "down with two seat hypocrisy!" but it doesn't make me feel any better. i can't believe it's gone, it's wonderful!


miss sarah, what are thoust plans? do you have employment? will you be free for a wee visit sometime? and did you know we're going to maryland for memorial day week and we'll be driving right by your house! twice! and it's suspiciously close to your birthday! and there are no periods in this whole paragraph! fuck punctuation!!!

in which i traded this...














for this...



the fire post now also has photo goodness.

i wanted to post pictures of the del sol, now gone, and the big pile of money i got in return. but the library is full of tourists. i now have to call the librarians and request that they pencil me in for lunch time so i can post pictures. it's a major bummer. it makes me want to use my new found wealth to get internet at home but then i would be unwealthy faster than the resulting internet connection. so, pictures again someday.

and also it's 85 degrees today. in MAINE. what's the deal with that?

remember when all i talked about was trying to sell my car? and then all about that one asshole guy who kept calling but wouldn't meet my price? guess who was waiting for us outside of mardens on sunday? mr. asshole. he's not at all what i expected, he's a total dork. he was waiting in his foolish civic with these big ass rims. he hollared from his pseudo pimp mobile if we were willing to sell. matt said yeah, and then they shouted questions and answers to eachother in the middle of the parking lot. the guy asked if he could take a look at the car and promptly told us it was too much money...because the tires don't match.*

we wouldn't come down to his price. but he asked for a number. he called later offering a little bit more money. matt said eat it. and then he called again on monday night. he came to our price and he wanted the car that night. that was monday. when matt called me i was combing the mary-kate and ashley olsen make-up section in walmart.** he was in holden, i was in ellsworth, the title was in bar harbor. matt concocted a lie that we couldn't get the title that fast and they set up for later in the week.

we cleaned the shit out of the car and matt is going to call him today to set up the sale for this evening. the cash in hand is going to be nice, but i really hate this guy. and i just filled the gas tank. i have the strongest desire to buy a syphon and leave only enough gas to get to bangor. that's how much i don't like him. i'm also bringing a currency marker. paranoid, anal and vindictive. isn't matt a lucky man?


*because god knows you can't change tires!
**lots of glitter***
***for when i'm a rich pimpette after selling the car

so there won't be pictures till this afternoon, we're strapped for help so i can't leave. but let me tell you a little about the fire so you won't be so worried (maybe), and i'll add the photos later.

so it went like this, matt and i were having breakfast in my kitchen. he points to the window and asks "what happened?". i turn around and look and have no idea what he's talking about. until he points directly at the two huge scorch marks on the plastic of my window frame. i'm completely puzzled. i don't even own a branding iron. i'm thinking some how someone broke into the apartment to torch my window frame. and then matt says, must be the mirror.

you know how you can burn ants with a magnifying glass? apparently if you stick a mirror on your sideboard and the sun comes out it will melt the plastic on your window, scorch it, and leave streaky smoke marks going up the side. who knew? it's not like we get so much sun here that i'd be worried about spontaneous combustion. i guess i should be.

i did learn that no matter how hard you scrub with your mr. clean magic eraser it will not remove the burnt from plastic. magic my ass. it did, however, remove the flame residue to a degree.*

so the mirror is now in the closet and my security deposit is fairly certainly gone for good. that was probably inevitable and there was only $100 left anyway. it's worth the money just to imagine how teddy will wonder how i managed to set the window on fire.

*punny

there's been another fire, in my kitchen. i've got pictures. you'll never believe how i managed to scorch and burn the window frame without even being home. i'm a miracle worker.