so, new law: you send out four resumes to one organization and someone will call you for an interview. however successful that tactic is, it brings with it the difficulty of remembering which position administrative assistant 2 they called you about. it was one of two, better than one of four. and now i must heap the nervousness into piles so i can give each worry it's own special attention. firstly, what do i tell my boss? do i call in sick, or do i tell her i have an appointment and if so do i tell her what it is? advice very welcome.
next, what do i wear? i'm going to take a finetoothed comb through my wardrobe. and then i'm going to take a finetoothed comb through the mall. i can hear my mother saying SUIT SUIT SUIT. but i'd hardly feel myself wearing a suit, so i need something that has equivalent respectability but is less suity.
well, those are the biggies for piles of worry. i'm also a little worried that i won't be able to find the place (big ass campus) but that's easiest to deal with.*

i'm distracting myself from the freaking out by opening the last of my boxes from college. matt and i went home this weekend and my dad insisted that i bring the rest of them with me. i have two bags in the car to go to goodwill. one filled with shoes, which my beloved can hardly believe. i found 6000 hanging KOI fish. 5 new hair products. endless lotions and potions and a brand new bottle of calcium supplements. and also a lochness monster.**
my bathroom is out of control with the products. but i liked the new shampoo i tried this morning. high quality, even with the time warp.


*matt is making me a map! and the adorableness prize goes to...
**now peeping out of my station.

yesterday my dad was telling me all about his south beach diet. he's lost 11 pounds and he's taking it as a challenge to find new and exciting stuff he's allowed to eat. it got us all talking about dieting and how much we like cheese so there might well be dieting in the future...DEAR GOD. but then i went and bought a whole bunch of granola bars and cinnamon toast crunch (on sale...) so there won't be any cheese bingeing until all that cereal is gone. the difficulty will be that i'll still have to feed matt as many carbs as i can(maybe intravenously) because if anyone doesn't need a diet it's him.
i should also mention that i bought hello kitty fruit snacks. for a dollar. they were the Extreme Value! they're definitely phase one, i'm sure of it.

i just wrote a whole blog about miss pinky deciding whether or not to fold up her blog. mostly it was about how depressing my life is and how little i find worth sharing. the post was indeed so depressing that i erased it. proof in the making.
is it winter? is it genuine depression or just sadness. is it because i work in a bank and the intellectual stimulation is just nil. job searching and budgeting and trying on bras just doesn't make for an exciting lifestyle. they're all three stressful "activities"(so not the word i wanted...) and that pretty much sums up my hobbies.
so, uhm, the point was i totally understand the feeling that i should just pick up shop sometimes. but i used to really enjoy blogging and i wonder what changed.
i've been counting on the thyroid pill i'm going to be back on to enact a whole lot of change. so much so that it seems rather desperate and clinging.
and since i can't think of anything to follow that up, i thought i'd add some news.
two of the good opportunity jobs are out of the running. one because they picked someone else and one because the current holder decided to stay. there are still 4 live resumes out there (i can't help be reminded of grenades or landmines) and i do still hope that i get a call. i'm torn between thinking a change of scene would be disasterous or what i need to shine some light on things.
speaking of disasterous, this weekend is the bank's recognition event. hours of perky bankspeak with 150 of my favorite co-workers. i'm really considering having more than one drink. all the gory details on monday! if i can bear it.

in 2006 i must buy a house. or have a kid, or go blind or become a widow. why? because i got seriously fucked on my taxes. like with that black baton shaped dildo sarah mentioned and george bush is wielding it. how's your day? seriously. i'm getting 8 dollars back from the gov, and i owe 6 to the state of maine. so, two dollars. this here is an all time low.
on the upside the thai lady keeps giving me free lunch. it's partially my fault because i can't understand her. sara is the one who tells me that she said "i'm ordering you lunch, you pick up in ten minutes". i just nod and smile because i have NO idea what she said. so, lunch. who can complain right? the US might be causing me trouble just now but the thai, they love me. and i got my newest martha magazine. life is full of blessings.

i've done two of the icky things on my to do list today. one was call and change insurance on the honda which saves me a boat load of money and there's no reason i shouldn't have done it sooner. the other, was totally unnecessary. i didn't have to re-register the insurance on the car because it was never unregistered. and then i went and changed the honda's insurance so i'll have to do it again in 2 weeks anyway. arghh! the other icky thing i have to do is make an appointment for a physical. god how i don't want to do that. i never thought i had a doctor phobia, but i really don't want a physical. i do however have to get back on the thyroid medicine and it's no good the waiting. so, i must make an appointment today before i leave. or no more chocolate. that'll motivate me.
i made macaroni and cheese last night, with wagon wheels. and sadly, wagon wheels have no right to be in macaroni and cheese. it's just wrong. unfortunately i have to eat two more servings(currently frozen in corningware) before i am free. and then i'll go back to using ziti, as god intended.

i'm currently listening to the fees related to my purchase at cingular. do i really have to listen to it? i'm just not sure. nope, it seems i didn't have to listen to that. i just chose new phones and a new plan for my dad and my sister. we're going to be an official cingular family. it's not going to be all that much more money to add them which really doesn't seem right but it's a sellers market. anyway, it's done.
my "customer" course wasn't all that unpleasant this morning. it's nice when everyone at the table is looking at their watches and not just me. i've been practicing my bread baking again. i made a rustic italian bread that is edible but rather bland. and some cinnamon rolls that are anything but bland, what with the extra 1/2 cup of sugar i added. ha. the kitchen smelled nice anyway.
did i write about how my current landlord is going to give me back my security deposit before the new one takes over? i can't remember but boy was i happy. it means i don't have to move and i won't lose any money. i'm so excited. i really didn't want to move. it's no fun moving every year. if i can get six more months out of this apartment, i'll be free and clear. what joy!

oh, and as an aside, i got my fat girl store brassieres. and they're fucking padded. the insanity. i just don't get it. it says nothing about the 1/4 inch thick fabric on the website. maybe you just need that caliber of fabric for that size brassiere. maybe that's the way it has to be, i just don't like it. not one bit.

i've been a financially organized freak lately, budget budget budget. i also spent the morning moving up the chain of command at providian about some balance transfer shit*. so far it's all worked out. i just hope they keep their word(ha). i'm feeling extraordinarily positive about money just now. after all, the raise i got was generous. life changingly generous so while i am still sending out resumes, and also i'm going to stop whining.


*what they don't realize when they start fucking around with me is that i work in bar harbor and it's january. i have all the time in the world to speak to the supervisor. and the manager. and who ever else they have in there.

i thought that since i own two admirable but ultimately worthless automobiles that it would be a really great idea to taunt myself with a new car. so last night we test drove the subaru wrx that's been sitting over at stanley's. i loved it. it's a very cool car indeed. the seats, it's like a sofa. the pedals are aluminum like a race car. and i am SO not allowed to buy it. but it will go on my want list. along with this one.
we saw a few adds in the uncle henry's for 1966 230S's going cheap. matt suggested i check out the body style. is there anything more adorable than a fintail mercedes? the purchase price is a hell of a lot more reasonable than the subaru. and i have a rabid mechanic who will love nothing more than to keep her purring.
i have some kind of car bug lately. i'm finding them more and more fascinating. four wheel drive particularly. although i'm sure i'll live to regret giving a car dealership my phone number.

i took mare's ocean quiz. and not because i'm bored because i have the new charles todd to read.

I'm a O76-C64-E42-A79-N18 Big Five!!

i just ordered a bunch of new brazieres online because the fat girl store doesn't carry my size. i can just tell that this is only the beginning of the bra saga. it's all oprah's fault. everyone is jumping on the new bra bandwagon. the whole down a band size and up a cup size thing. it's all very scientific with principles of engineering and everything. but it means that i have to order my new size and the very small selection that i could browse is now lost to me. holly and i were chatting after i left the store with my free shipping coupon (very nice of them since i can't shop their store anymore) and the sizing really makes no sense at all. what makes D so special that you can get two or three of them, but then there's no E. it's totally arbitrary. matt is shocked that stores don't carry my size. he is always surprised that there aren't more options in the d range. his logic is a little fuzzy*, but i appreciate his support.
in other news mr. apartment never showed up. we waited 15 minutes. and i was cranky. so we went to the new mexican place and matt bought me a big ass pina colada. i sent out 6 resumes. i cleaned up my house and made an all day spaghetti sauce. tonight i'm going to make a cake in the shape of a flower because i convinced myself to buy it and now i have to make use of it. i'm actually really excited about the flower cake. i have my pink and green frosting all ready to go. or maybe orange. it would be cute for valentines day...see, there was a valid reason to buy it. HA!

*just because hustler boasts a world of DD's, doesn't mean that more women come in that size.

so, clearly i'm not at work because i can upload pictures. i'm at the library. using some of the very generous amount of sicktime i have. i'm calling it grumpy time because really that is my ailment. it's also print and send a veritable shitload of resumes to catch the afternoon post. and now you know why i'm grumpy.
i hope the photo works. it was taken on one of the many misty days here in maine over the penobscot river. very beautiful. and also, jam master fuzz. on the nip. furry.

i do feel a bit bad about only blogging when something shitty happens, my mind is just overloaded at the moment. that raise that took 3 months to materialize is not what i thought it would be. it is however a %16 raise and i guess i should be happy. but i thought it was going to be more like %19 and that is what i thought i was accepting. i've been alternately angry and weepy about it and i'm not sure what i should be feeling. i'm angry that it took so long to materialize and that i missed three months of opportunities waiting. i'm also angry that i have to wait another unknown amount of time to hear whether or not i'm worth 32 more cents. where is the dignity in that?

things that aren't bad are as follows: i've been meaning to rent bride and prejudice i just haven't gotten around to it. i do have a post it on my wall to remind me. and also my address won't change, unless i change jobs. that's the beauty of a post box and also delivery is really sparse in town.
i am going to see an apartment tonight. the rent is cheap, but you have to pay all utilities including water and sewer and oil. i can have my kitty, but there's no parking. which will get old. but i wouldn't have to drive. if there's no lease it might be a consideration. and i'll just keep the thermostat set to morgue. it'll be fine.

matt and i went to see pride and prejudice* this weekend. i liked the movie and matt liked the pizza so it was a win-win situation. it also means that i can make him go see any movie playing at reel pizza aslong as i order him a half pepperoni and the organic popcorn. i'm really looking forward to winter now. the best part is that it's only 6 bucks a person for any show, where in bangor you pay 10. we're making out on this deal really. or atleast matt sees in that way so it works for me.
it seems my old land(slum)lord is buying my current building, so i'm looking for new places when the papers come out tomorrow.** technically i have plenty of time before the change over but it's as good an opportunity as any to find a cheaper place or rent a room until matt finishes his house. or so i'm telling myself. it doesn't hurt to look anyway. and ellsworth still has delivery pizza and is half an hour closer to the mall. i'm not seeing the downsides here. matt has a big ass truck and a brother so it won't be nearly as unpleasant as last time.*** another upside is now we don't have to worry about how often they see matt's car around because i'm leavin'. it's all so freeing. as long as i get my deposit back.

*not at all like the bbc series. different interpretations, but very enjoyable. i was not dissapointed.
**i knew when i bought something large and difficult to move...they would sell the building. it's moving karma.
***when i moved all of my belongings in the dark and snow, by myself, in a geo (uphill both ways with no shoes)