so we got busy. in a banking sort of way. however, i did go pick up my puffin tin and i'm very excited. mostly i've been stroking it and printing out six hundred recipes for puffins. i asked matt if he liked puffins. and boy, was he confused. he must really like me to not have run screaming into the night. bless him.

so many exciting things to blog about.
firstly, the smake will be layeth on rick when he gets back from vacation.
secondly, i met dr. gottfried on the street in bar harbor. they love maine, they love bar harbor. she says hi to sarah. and we chatted about my dubious future. and you know the weird thing, i wasn't all that surprised to see her. i was kind of expecting it. strange.
but even better than that, you know why i was standing on the street while i should have been at work? because the power was out from 6 until about midnight. do you reckon the store closed? no, it did not. we worked from the light of my maglight and some kids camping lights from the toy section and my cell phone as the only working phone line. we sold a lot of candles, and batteries, and kid's camping flashlights. i very nearly murdered a child who flatly refused to select a book while his mother cajoled him for ten minutes and my flashlight arm grew weary.
while our generator didn't come on, and rite aid's generator didn't come on, Geddy's did. and as the only restaurant open in town, they served dinner until 2 am to alot of tourists with very literally nowhere else to go.

last night was by far the best evening i've spent at the bookstore, and working with my new colleague laura is just the best. she's kind and competent and we get along very well. tonight, if i remember, i'm going to pick up a popover pan* using my handy dandy discount. i can't say i'm not excited. even more exciting is all the ridiculous drama that's happening at the book store, not the least of which is hearing someone on the sidewalk bitching about how this bank took down their sign. the really exciting part is the human resources problem that brought one of my younger co-workers nearly to tears, and his name is rick.
i didn't meet rick until sunday, as i'm taking over some of his hours we don't often work at the same time. since everyone else has gotten to know him so well these past weeks, i was warned that he's a "toucher". the very first interaction i had with him goes thus: picture me with cash in hand to put into the register and then make change, such as is done say EVERY FIFTEEN SECONDS in a retail store. he is standing directly in front of the cash register, and directly next to me (which actually happens alot, it's a small cash wrap) so i say "do you want to do this?" and he says "no" and doesn't move. so i say "well, we both can't stand here". so maybe, that wasn't the fluffiest way to say you're in my way. and when the next time he spoke to me he said "you have no sense of humor do you?" and i said "nope" and he walked away, i figured we knew where we stood and we could co-exist selling books with no need for him to stand in my space or touch me. which he didn't. what he did was go to another co-worker, ask her what my problem was and say that i was the "coldest fish he ever met". which is fine with me. i like fish. all swimmy and tasty with a little squirt of lemon. what he didn't need to do was go to same co-worker and pat her belly while she ate a cookie and tell her she didn't need said cookie and her boyfriend would dump her when he saw how much heavier she had gotten. that is the tiniest bit of the boundaries of appropriate work behavior, esp. for a mid-fifties man and a 20 year-old girl. he should know better, and she should've kicked his ass.
as she related the story to me, i said "he had to pick on a skinny girl because if he said that to a fat girl like me i'd have kicked his derrogatory bony ass" to which she said "who says you don't have a sense of humor". really. so, the girls are getting together and having a meeting with our boss today. it's of no consequence to me what he thinks or says about me, but 20 year old girls don't need anyone telling them they're fat. especially dirty old men. despite myself i can't wait to know what happened. and also to get my puffin tin. and to tell matt i'm a cold fish and hear his indignance on my behalf.


*which i keep referring to as my "puffin pan". just thirty minutes on low and your puffins are ready to go!

one of the guys who works upstairs saw me taking my netflix back to the post office, and promptly offered me his card so we can be "friends". since i have no like, i said sure, and now i have a friend. on netflix. i picked his favorite movie, lord of the fireflies, having never met him before. am i good or what?
i have about four books half read right now. i'm still reading the darcy book, i picked up the finer points of sausage dogs, a galley from the bookstore and i'm finishing my second reading of harry potter*. i have some books to send to folks. amongst other things, like ramen noodles for sarah. i've been playing with the idea of taking up coffee drinking. since my ass is dragging on more than just taking out the trash, and the clanking in my coffers isn't sufficient to motivate me, it might be a necessary step. and since i'm spending no money on food, i can sort of afford those extra sugary chocolate infused frozen drinks that aren't really coffee at all.
sara and i have been debating the dietary uselessness of such drinks. she argued it should count as dairy. and since cheese is dairy, it's practically atkins. and so cheez-its, while certainly crackers, are also atkins friendly because really they're cheese. not that either of us are on atkins, nor to say they we both probably couldn't stand to pay a bit more attention to our...uhm...diets, such as they are. mostly we're just bored out of our minds. more than actual diets, we discuss budgets. like budgets for food. sara and her fiance spent 600 dollars a month on groceries last year. for two people who weren't working, that is a shit load of money for food. i should probably budget, but i don't. laziness, fear of reality, i'm not sure why i don't budget. i'm sure i spent too much on cookies last winter, but i was under duress. i NEEDED the cookies. and i only bought the sale ones, so it hardly even counts. sad...


*the first time i read the lastest release, i read it as fast as possible because i need to know what happens. I NEED TO KNOW. and then i read it again to pick up the volumes of stuff i've missed in my info gathering reading. matt could not believe that i finished it in a day. he has a lot to learn.

this group against genetically engineered food is upset with us because they were rude. rather like mr. vegan from february. you know what, it's a courtesy to ask before you post a sign in a private business. it might very well be illegal, althugh honestly i won't bother to check up on the laws. conjecture is safer. the last poster we took down was for the "all christian festival" or "salvation day" or whatever. they didn't ask for permission either. but atleast they didn't come in to bitch at us about our political reasons for taking down their sign.

anyone who tells us our poster policies are politically motivated is not allowed to post on our window. 'nuff said.

the high points of daily existence recently have been: being told off by a walking policeman shouting "slow down!" when i was going 26 in a 25, scratching my glasses on a christmas tree, and working 65 hours a week. so i've been busy. and tired. and probably grumpy, although no one's commented on it. the upside is that it looks like working all these hours is finally going to make a difference financially. august, is going to be a good month. dammit.
i have been true to my plan to stay the hell out of the grocery store. i have a list in my wallet. milk, bread, eggs, butter, fresh veggies. those are the only things i am allowed to purchase. i have more grains and canned goods than any single person should ever have in their one bedroom apartment. if the apocolypse comes, i'm all set. if i could transition kitty to an all rice diet, she'd still be set for about three years. this evening i'm planning on making fried rice. i even have peapods. i'll use the long grain wild rice with dehydrated vegetables. that and the peapods practically equals gourmet. peapods really raise the calibur of any dish, they'll show those dehydrated veggies who's boss.
so when i'm not imagining little peapod men showing off their muscles, i've been reading the new harry potter. and sitting on my couch drooling. as SC suggested, one does have to hire in help for the laundry and the cleaning when one works all the damn time. on friday, matt arrived at my house half an hour before i did, and washed all my dishes. and whoa, were there a lot of them. and actually they were pretty gross. and then he bought me dinner. this could work out.

i was home sick yesterday, sans computer access. i had a rather debillitating fever sunday afternoon and monday. but i sat on my couch and moaned and now i'm feeling better.
the birthday party went well. it was supposed to be a surprise, but he showed up early and surprised us instead. dad and matt talked about cars almost non-stop and we all ate alot of food. recipe for success.
i am currently hiding from my friend mr. "WAKE UP". i hate him. possibly even i loathe him. last week he told one of our other customers he met outside the bank that he woke us up for her. WHY WHY WHY would anyone say that? argh.
i bought sara a wedding shower gift this weekend in beautiful tax free new hampshire. my dad saved me a bed bath and beyond coupon, which is where she's registered, so i bought her the cheapest wedding blender ever. she's excited that someone bought it so she can make smoothies. that's worth 15 bucks. matt was fascinated by nashua and it's ridiculous amount of stores. he counted over ten dunkin donuts on the way to the mall. and when i took him down the cart escalator in target he said "take a picture, no one in maine will believe this". we went in to macy's because he'd never been and he bought some tools in sears for a 5% discount. we walked through frederick;s of hollywood as he's never been and he is amazed that larger bra sizes come padded. he doesn't get it and really neither do i. does any one know?

i've been thinking about canceling the netflix. it's almost 20 dollars a month that could go somewhere else, like uhm gas, and i've been really too busy to watch them. i had myself very nearly convinced until last night when i watched Saved!* which i highly recommend. i'm planning to make matt watch it with me, i just don't know when. he's been watching monarch of the glen with me. he likes it so much he was sort of bummed that i was finishing the disc without him.
i thought financial things would improve with two jobs. and i was mistaken. i was hopeful that things would improve and then i needed to fix my brakes. but really i should be glad i have the money from the second job to pay for the brakes. and then the bookstore overpaid me by ten hours. which is fine except the corrected this week. so when you work 15 hours a week, and they subtract 10, you get a seriously tiny ass paycheck and you weep in the trade paperbacks aisle. but it is only fair and just and now we're all even. it just makes my situation more vivid.


* but i'm a cheerleader for christians.

i have started preparations for mr. matt's birthday. which sounds really fancy. actually all i did was order him a subscription to this magazine. an easy gift because every time he buys one he says "i should really get a subscription" and then he forgets. it's foolproof. actually i'm supposed to work on his birthday, which he hasn't mentioned. but we're going to canada that weekend, and probably he won't really care as it falls mid week and he and his whole family have to work too. see, i'm not such a bitch.
there have been a few temporary schedule changes at the bookstore, and i'm THRILLED. it means i don't have to work with mrs. senility* tonight, and that can only be good. probably i'm lazy and impatient, but she makes my job twice as hard. scenario: customer wants to know if the new harry potter audio book will be released friday at midnight. i say "i'm sorry, the audio book isn't coming out the same night." mrs. s says "don't we have it already?" i say "no, it hasn't come out yet." she says "oh, where did i see that, it must be over here." customer looks confused, looks to me "is it coming out saturday or not?" i say "no", mrs. s says "oh yes, it'll be here friday at midnight" and i say to her "the audio version of the new harry potter will be here friday at midnight? because the computer says it won't be." she says "oh, isn't it in back in the kids section."** and then i went screaming in to traffic.
this perfectly innocuous woman really pushes my buttons. she's not mean or grumpy, but she'scompletely insane. for one, she only recommends walter the farting dog to boys and not girls, when every child loves this book regardless of the limits of their gender. and two when she asked me if i was working harry potter night i said "no, i have to go home" and she said "visiting your mom?" and i said "that would be rather difficult as she's dead"*** because i've told her TWICE already that my mom passed away in may. so, tonight, kyle. and i am so relieved. i like kyle. kyle moved here to finalize a break up with a girl, to breath the bracing sea air. how can you not like a boy who used the word "bracing"?


*i feel BAD about that. i should have more patience because i am sometimes an adult but patience after 15 hours working...i...just...can't...do it.
**verbatim, except half as long.
***maybe that was uncalled for, but honestly i don't think she was listening.

if mr. matt were any cuter i'd have to stuff him and sit him on my bed with my civil war teddies. this weekend he helped me buy a tire*, i met his car racing cousin, and went out "drinking" with his brother and his ex. his brother is very nice, when he's alone. he's not un-nice, or say mean, when he's with the ex but his personality takes a 360 and he's much less pleasant. one of their favorite things to do together is to make sexual comments every minute in every conversation in any social setting. this gets old. fast. after knowing eachother for three months there's no need to ask us when we're getting married, there's no need to ask if i'm moving out to his apartment, and there's no need to say "no road head, lots of cops out tomight" EVER EVER EVER. ever. and when we were driving home matt said one of the reasons he likes me so much is because i have class. and in comparison, I TOTALLY GET IT. i may set my kitchen on fire, but i wouldn't mention pubic grooming at a dinner party so i guess classy isn't too far off the mark.

because i've been missing so much drama in my life, mrs. dyke from the bookstore and i worked together last night. usually we just over lap for 1/2 an hour, not a full shift. it was weird. she's much more entertaining than my other co-workers. not the least of which because her girlfriend is highly suspicious of me. which sucks because it would have been cool to have more friends. apparently co-worker googled me from hood and found a quote for the history page. GOOD LORD. no wonder the girlfriend is upset. googling is synonymous with, well, i was going to say flirting but really stalking would be more appropriate. it does make life more interesting. until the girlfriend comes after me with a steak knife.


*which actually i can do myself, but he seemed to enjoy doing for me.

when your world is as small as mine in bar harbor and you have no tv, breaking news tends to pass you by. the only news i heard yesterday was about some teenage boys charged with abusing and murdering a dog in Presque Isle. and then my sister mentioned that reid saw reports of the bombings on tv. he was too young to remember new york, but he'll remember london. he thought it was an accident, because at six tragedies occur by accident and not by design.

as mare has hinted, it has been a parade of freaks in here lately. it's a phenomenon named summer. the worst part is when mary's gone and i'm in charge. it's my least favorite when i have to tell the bastard from minnesota that our canadian exchange rate is our rate and we don't compromise. and then he told us we'd cash a "corporate" check for him. he really seemed to think "corporate" was the magic word. because, as we all know, corporations are always legit and have crystal clean finances and the people who sign those corporate checks are the gems of our species and would never defraud anyone. so really it was our stupid policy that was holding this man back. and whoa, did he and his wife have a a nice laugh about our backwater ways on his way to a "real" bank. gee, i hope they enjoyed their vacation.
in the craziness that is summer and vacations and well, lots of people quitting for various reasons...we've been covering somesville for lunches. well, sara has. i've been here with the crazies*. and since sara spends a goog deal of her day not here, i've been the only witness to mary threatening to pull the plug on the money counter if it didn't start to co-operate. and also the thing where she talked like kermit from the muppets for half and hour just because i like it. she's the best.
in good news i have my car back and it has brakes ON ALL FOUR WHEELS! ironically my dad is contemplating giving me my mom's car, probably because he doesn't want me to be squashed like a bug in the honda. matt seemed very disapointed that i might sell the honda, as he has become rather attached to it. apparently it's a jewel to work on, it's all metric. he was practically beaming as he told me about the metric thing, and then he sort of mumbled to himself about whether nissan is all metric? i don't get it, but he changed my oil for free and we're going tire shopping this weekend. he suggested i keep the honda for summers and the nissan for the winters. otherwise he's found a set of snow tires for me. it's nice that he's so worried about my safety, in a control freak kind of way.

* oh my, the crazies. one of our favorite and best customers was in line to make a deposit. and while technically she passed through the door first and was clearly next in line by the right of way we all learned in kindergarten, the lady who came in behind her came and stood RIGHT THE FUCK next to her while she commenced her deposit. our favorite customer, the liquor store, took a step back and said "why don't you go ahead of me" and the woman did and i sent her to another bank because per article on of this post you can't cash any check at any bank at random, but i digress...anyway, so crazy 1 left and just as i was saying "gee, banking is really very private, we should have a velvet rope or something" crazy 2 came walking up and stood directly next to our favorite customer. and then started asking her questions. questions like: "how often do you make deposits?" "do you always deposit that much cash?" "what time do you usually come to the bank?" "and where do you work?". i happen to know that the lady who was asking the questions isn't likely to be a robber, but for real. where is the common sense folks? if it's so common, how come no one can find it (pinched from some asshole making fun of his wife at the bookstore last night, jerk).

it is never legal to sign someone else's as you would your own. even if you are POA. POA means you can sign your name and act for them. not sign their name. and truly, it is not worth me losing my job over your stupidity. it's just not. all i asked you to do was not sign another person's name right in front of me. we have counters for the purpose of your forgery. and don't tell me you know the law better than i do, because you don't. you're the asshole who said you account was "compromised" because your "pretty" checks didn't arrive soon enough. and also, i HATE you, so don't fight with me about your right to commit acts of forgery under my nose when your only complaint on this earth is that the angels on your checks aren't as brightly colored as you thought. argh.

and i made the reservations and we'll be staying here. yay for canada. yay for canadian money. it's all very exciting. i can't wait to spend canadian money. matt is less excited, as it's his money we'll be spending. but i chose a way cheaper hotel than he did. and it has a jacuzzi, and a balcony. who says i'm not thrifty?

actually it must be a genetic thing. we all know my mom was a shopper, a true and sincere shopper, my father is about to trump all her purchases. he's pondering the purchase of one of these. holy shit. happy birthday daddy. remember that cookbook i got you, well, yeah, it SUCKS in comparison...but you'll give me pity excitement anyway.

matt is very excited about my dad's dream car. they'll have plenty to talk about when he comes home with me next weekend. i can't even fathom how weird it's going to be. i can't postulate the weirdness. it's just too weird. too weird. i can't even continue to post, i'm struck dumb by this possibility. weird.

this weekend: a tribute.

the vampsquito, if you saw the huge ass bite on my neck you'd understand.

the child with the impossibly large axe. really, it was bigger that his head.*

scene 1: my car, in pieces in matt's garage. scene 2: meet my chauffeur, and man servant, i call him matt.

and then we got busy an i couldn't type anymore.


*also the child with the hose we had to scheme our way past, and also the child who mixed a box of golfballs with a set of stairs (all we heard was "thunk thunk thunk" times a thousand, we didn't need to see it to put it together).

ring ring "hello blank blank, amy speaking, how can i help you?"
"hello, atm company here, your atm is down."
"no it's not"
"our computer says it is"
"it's not, i just checked it"
"are you sure?"
"yes"
"ok"
"bye"

that was yesterday.

today:

"hello, this is amy, our atm is down."
"our computer says it's fine"
"well, it's not working"
"i don't know what's wrong with it, are you sure it's not working"
"yes. it's a holiday weekend. make it work or face my wrath."
"ok, i 'll call you back."

i am an amy to be feared today. such is my wrath. ROAR!