we have been busy like you would not believe. we broke a bunch of bank machinery. we fixed some stuff we did wrong the last time mercy was here. and we had a kickass time taping together a bunch of checks we accidentally ripped up. are we not professionals? and also, it is effing hot (and just for sarah because mare isn't here "it's hot as balls in witches ((or witch's, or witchs')) hollow.") in the bank. yesterday mary ran around waving her arms saying "i'm having flashes, i swear it's not the change". i love her.

bliggety blog. it is a very beautiful day in town. mr. shy called last night and we have a sort of plan for friday. he's really very nice, except for when he said something about something being gay. hmm, err, hmm. well, we'll cover some ground, and some ground rules on friday and see if we can still be friends then. i wonder if he'd teach me how to shoot stuff (not live things, like cans maybe, i dunno). i totally know how screwed up that sounds, but i'm intrigued none-the-less. maybe that should be filed under ridiculous and possibly psychotic guilty pleasure.
in other news, you know it's summer in bar harbor when the jamaican staff of every inn in town walk down the street with their groceries. can't decide if we'll be opening all of their accounts this friday, or next friday. but the onslaught cometh.

i have four kinds of pink glittery lip covering type stuff in my paper clip drawer. four. all different. and yet the same. four. i'm astounded really. i also found my letter opener. which is ironic because today mary and i asked dennis to send us some from his part of the bank. you truly only find something when you replace it. i have repotted my rose in the ugliest ceramic pot known to man. it's not even ugly enough to be sort of cool in it's ugliness. it's ugly that thinks it's attractive. but no. really it's just ugly. and it's only on my station because it was free and mary "liberated" it from the common storage room.
i think i have finally seen to all the little notes that i've been leaving for myself. and i have "RENT" drawn on my hand so hopefully i won't forget to like, pay it, for this month. that would suck.

miss slightly damaged car and i have struck a deal, which keeps us both out of the sheriff's office and hopefully on relatively good terms. dennis helped mary and i fill out our 401k crap, and pointed me to all the non-halliburton and socially responsible stocks which was very nice of him to think of. mary chose the halliburton stocks, because she said they'll do really well for the next four years and she wants to be able to afford cigarrettes when she retires. funny.
blogger being down really cramps my style. i've felt all unfulfilled today. such is my dedication. i almost, god help me, blogged in word...to convert later. but that my friends, is not my style. what with the spell check and the grammar check and the editing. eff that. i don't do editing. (which is sadly apparent, is it not?)
i should report that i changed my own windshield wiper blade, and without inconsolable weeping per the norm. i'm so butch. i also fixed my voicemail. so now i can receive messages, and listen to them and stuff. these two victories combined make me feel all telephone box/spandex outfit with cape type capable.

mr. shy is a hunting, ice-fishing, apartment above garage building sort of guy. i.e., a genuine mainer. 'cept he's from massachusetts. (actually he had some interesting words about the salem jail sarah, and screaming from the "nuthouse".) the set up was apparently all kevin's (the customer) idea, which says that he probably thinks i'm nice and doesn't know me very well. you know, most people who don't know me well think i'm nice. and probably conservative (which, HUH? i don't get at all but probably it's not all that irrational from the outside perspective).
so while he was very nice and polite. i don't think it's a match. he did say i'm good company, which ofcourse we know is true, so his taste is unerring. that's a plus

mary is out sick today. so far: i think i drank rotten milk, i broke my shoe (and fixed it!), broke a nail, the atm is dead and the man holes are starting to spurt out water. who has time to be nervous?

mary keeps confusing this one customer's name and has been calling him dr. goldmember all day and i'm dying. fyi.

why does my mother call and ask me what i'm wearing? it's sort of creepy. if she touches that j jill catalogue it's all over. the news is that my evil sister is coming home on the 25th. which is good for my mom. it's less good if she wants like, money, for like, her car. err. maybe i won't be able to go home. maybe there'll be a nice snowstorm at the end of april.

i learned how to take the roof off the car this weekend. and i must admit i rather like it. i also cleaned the hell out of it. inside and out. sadly now i can see some of the scratches my dad warned me about, but that's what auto care centers are for. this evening i'm going to purchase some of that colored car polish and perhaps some armorall. can't have too much armorall.
i did call mr. shy, as i am in no position to decline the offer of something to do. i interrupted him driving a back hoe, smoothing out his driveway. when someone says "building a house" i think "house builders are building a house for you" but no, not here. here it means nailing things together that will become a house. and using a backhoe on what will be one's driveway. we're having lunch tomorrow. if chris is here. speaking of that did i mention our new employee is starting in april. someone up there likes us.

and dick, i'm sorry to hear about your fall and i hope you're feeling better.

i keep trying to do a real post but we're so busy with the busy-ness and the extra busy on the side. with every new thing that happens mary says "that's another drink". and she's totally cracking me up.
the thing with the guy is weird. mary and the guy who gave me the note were talking to eachother about matt* and i felt as much like a pawn in the matchmaking scheme as i ever have. apparently he has a lot of land near bangor and is building a house there. it was exactly the conversation that might be in pride and prejudice "5000 a year, mhmm, and he danced every dance with jane and no one else would do!" but maybe that isn't fair.

these facts which we hold to be self-evident are that i have nothing to do and no reason at all not to call this guy. so, if i do that i'll totally blog about it.

i could blog about the idiocy olympics i performed in on thursday. highlights being "does the car have a sun-roof? well, not really, but sortof" "that should be a yes or no question amy" "uhh, then no". and then i closed my own hand in the door of the car. and ran around the maine mall parking lot screaming. although the swelling and the purpleness was sort of cool.

*mr. shy with the land.

it's been a very big day. we got audited. which went very well. i screwed up a cd, but only a little. something totally unexpected happened with that girl. and a customer just gave me the number (and life history with financial stats) of a guy he works with who wanted him to find out if i'm single. very big day indeed.

if you closed your account and opened one at a new bank because you said the account was compromised when your checks didn't come fast enough why why why why must you keep coming back to my bank to make change and buy money orders? why why why? you went elsewhere. and we were glad inside. glad i say. why do you keep coming back? why?

please stop licking your fingers. please stop licking your fingers. please stop licking your fingers. please stop licking your fingers. please stop licking your fingers. please stop licking your fingers. please stop licking your fingers. please stop licking your fingers. please stop licking your fingers. please stop licking your fingers. please stop licking your fingers. please stop licking your fingers. please stop licking your fingers. please stop licking your fingers. please stop licking your fingers. please stop licking your fingers. please stop licking your fingers. please stop licking your fingers. please stop licking your fingers. please stop licking your fingers. please stop licking your fingers. please stop licking your fingers. please stop licking your fingers. please stop licking your fingers. please stop licking your fingers. please stop licking your fingers. please stop licking your fingers. please stop licking your fingers. please stop licking your fingers. please stop licking your fingers.

i'm going to borrow from mare (by the way that song is on that cd so i'll burn it for you this weekend), 10 songs/memories. if indeed i can think of ten.

1. i'd like to be a cowgirl, but oooh i'm scared of cows (mooo mooo mooo how they scare me)-dr. gottfried in american landscapes saying it was her answering machine message (the only link i could find was for the olsen twins and we're so not going there.)
2. untouchable face, ani-my sister singing the fuck you part with vehemence while she was teaching me how to drive
3. you'll think of me, keith urban(aka the cat song)-this one makes me think of dennis because he always accuses me of not liking country music, but i like this one. with the cat. it's funny.
4. supermodel, jill sobule-makes me think of danielle and how she sang this as loud as she could at our senior picnic in highschool (and the dumb shits thought they were mocking her)
5. (that song the shriner girls above us played everynight)-reminds of when the shriner girls above us used to play it all the time.
6. any christian themed song-makes me think of sarah singing "i love you jesus. you are my savior" in guar voice with head-banging
7. closer, nine in nails-makes me think of kirsten and how her mom loved this song and made her go to a concert when she was 16
8. dream on, aerosmith-reminds me of driving amym's car and i couldn't work the fancy stereo (i kept trying to listen to this song and i guess i was hitting seek and it would only play for 8 seconds, dratted technology)
9. almost, mercy creek-reminds me of killer vacation in frederick
10. I'll be, Edwin McCain-holly screaming "angry on the tin roof" in the car driving to highschool

mary and i are busy busy today. shocker.

the depository bank is sending a check to my bank, for my account. mary and i aren't sure if that means they'll debit her account* or if they'll eat it because their teller made the mistake**.
*if they debit her account, then she'll know sooner or later that i caught her and she no longer has my money. any number of things can happen at this point. she can say whoops, my bad, i'll just forget it now. she can come after me for the money and i can tell her to eat it and or stuff it in her deal. she can go to her insurance company and they can fix it and put up her premium. she could go to the police, which i'd love because there's all kinds of proof i acted in good faith and she broke the law. and i guess she could go to small claims court but i point to the latter with the good faith thing.
**if they eat it because the teller shouldn't have allowed that deposit, she might never know about it. but this is unlikely. that's rather alot of money to eat, even if it was the teller's fault. but it's hard to know how another bank would handle it.

mary and i have decided it's quite the learning experience all around. and we're fascinated to find out how the other bank will handle it. i guess we'll find out if i get a call from that girl, or if a baseball bat has a run in with the honda.

i don't actually have an update, but i'm going crazy with the having conversations in my head. mostly now it's "you hit my car" vs. "you committed a documented act of fraud". i was a little concerned that maybe she would try to sue me over the car thing...but i know for a fact that she broke the law so i'm sure we can come to an agreement. where in since she doesn't seem to care about her car getting fixed, i shouldn't care about paying for it.

the auto repair place doesn't recall her check. that means that another bank in town deposited a check written to a corp to a personal account. which we all know is ILLEGAL. for just this reason. the auto lady is pissed because she's being defrauded. i'm pissed because i'm being defrauded. i can't wait to call the other bank. course i guess she can sue me. we'll come to that when we come to that.

"everyone's so nice here, i don't get it" holly cannot deal with the friendliness after boston and philly. at the olive garden our waitress was so nice i thought holly was going to take her home in her pocket. she gave us extra andes mints with the bill and holly said "she's a professional. one way to guarantee a good tip from girls is to give them chocolates". there were a pair of orono boys sitting behind us, one of which was chatting (well, probably ranting more than chatting) about his ex just like we do and it was hilarious (although now we're like "do we sound like that?" which ofcourse we do but we don't have to admit it). "and she got fired from claire's and she like didn't understand and i wasn't gonna explain it to her so she was just pissed off for weeks" and on and on.
and today mary and i discovered that the girl i gave that check to for the company deposited it to her personal account and we're trying to figure out if i can get my money back. seeing as she has now broken the law. we'll see.

so, there's this sign in ellsworth that says drag show. and i'm thinking they must mean cars. but, no. it's for the downeast aids network, so it must mean queens! which is way better than cars. anyone (well, matt really) want to go?

tonight, holly and i are going to do all the ridiculous and indulgent things we filled our youths with. after i stop and make an appt. to get a new liscense. mary said i might have to take a test again. but my record is so shiny and clean *sparkle sparkle* (i hope we really like portland so i won't have to do this again). so, indulgency will be had, in bangor. where else? we will go to target (while i did just go to target, one feels compelled not to oooh at the tiny shoes or check out the clearance bras with a mr. nice marine tire guy, we stuck to the shopping list, mostly) and tj maxx and the olive garden (while frederick and nashua are awash with italian eateries, downeast maine not so much). and then we will watch bridget jones diary and paint our toe nails and i'll highlight holly's hair.

the previous post was supposed to help me sort out my brain, what with the handy dandy list feature. but it didn't really. i'm finally changing my residency because car insurance is a hell of a lot cheaper here than in NH. atleast where my parents live, it's a lot cheaper to do it here. so i have to do the whole she-bang. which isn't really a big deal, it'll cost just about the same to do it here as in NH and the insurance is like four hundred dollars less a year. my father couldn't believe it. really, i was expecting to hear a crash to the floor.

car:
have insurance worked out and it won't completely break me. i think.
am going to register it in maine and get a maine driver's license. i think.
really shouldn't waste money on vanity plates...really want to waste money on vanity plates.

grace:
can't believe she's going to be a year old.
we bought her the cutest bathing suit ever.
is a wieback toast thief.

reid:
weedlike with the growing also.
asked me if i was going to have a baby soon and then told emily she was lucky to have 2 babies and we all went awwww.

jeff:
(background: grace is in a picture display at his store)
some girls said "that baby's not cute" and jeff said "hey, that's my baby" and they didn't believe it until he got out his wallet.

mom:
much better and very little coughing. actually got up a few times this week.

dad:
freaking the hell out about the car registration and insurance changes so i'm trying to get it sorted out today.

date:
was good. ex-marine. very funny. takes care of his nieces some afternoons, has disney princesses all over his car. have tentative plans for next time i come home. apparently is sacrilege that i haven't seen the godfather. accompanied me to target to do my father's shopping, there's no bonding like target bonding. major selling point: when i said i don't really drink, he did not say "i'll take care of that". i hate that. also, did not appear painfully hungover despite party on previous night, good sign.

i'm sure i did more stuff. i guess laundry. oooh oooh i got my paint your own pottery bowl and it's so pretty i walked around my house saying "daddy isn't my bowl pretty?" for a few hours. not that he seemed to mind.

holly is at home, lounging and possibly going for a bike ride in the park because it is beautiful beyond measure today. we made a few stops last night in ellsworth and augusta and holly said the people are so nice she felt like she was in a different country. true.

any ideas for the vanity plates?

very busy amy. trying to find car insurance. mom is good. date was good. holly is very good and kitty is happy. more later.

i got an offer for the car last night. at mr. quicks! the oil change guys (the exact same guys from the great headlight debacle) were in awe of mr. honda. one of them asked me if i had the roof cut. and before i could say "huh" mr. in charge oil guy said "no, it's a del sol" with the intonation one might use for a greek god or a hemi. they asked me questions i didn't understand and were very excited about servicing him. when he was ready to go, mr. in charge oil guy and i had a lengthy discussion about the power of a honda 4 cylinder (the beauty of talking about cars to a besotted car guy is all you have to do is nod your head and say "oh yes, like a rocket" or whatever he was saying). "oh and the mileage...where did you find it?" "uhm...my driveway" "it's amazing, how much did you pay for it" "2000" "wow, i'll give you four for it right now". i left with the assurance that if i ever want to sell it, to come on down.
and really it made my day because while we were leaving work we noticed that mr. saab with the black paint still has black paint (although it looks like quite a bit of it rubbed off) but the check was cashed (yes, i am the stupidest person on earth for this whole incident, but no i did not make the check to her). so i'm trying to tell myself that maybe they wanted to make sure the check was good before doing the work but mostly i want to invest in a crowbar and get my money's worth one way or another.

just a quick note for the moment, a few things from statcounter:

1. hello bar harbor acadia restaurant googler. it's closed now, becoming an art gallery or something. i'm sorry for your loss.
2. elvisngrcelnd from someone in bar harbor, how the eff did you find that handle to google?
3. and elvisngraceland.blogspot.com from georgia. since you have the url memorized you really don't have to put it in a search engine.

the computers have been down, and it is no fun. but we are happy to say that one of the people was awesome and they're going to offer her the job. the personnel lady said the candidate reminded her of me. i hope that's a good thing.
in other news, i was considering blogging about the preambles to straightfest 2005 but i think i'll wait till next week. suffice to say it seems he's very funny and that has to be good right? however i'm getting alot of feedback on the breakfast thing, especially from my sister "breakfast is not a good date, breakfast is what you do after a good date". i don't necessarily agree (and damnit i'm busy!) but she's hilarious.
the goal this afternoon is to find a job i might really like to have, and then figure out where i might actually like to live. i'm sure i can figure that out in an afternoon, right? just because four years of college and 2 years of working hasn't done it for me...err...pathetic.

have i mentioned that my sister keeps telling me to come live with her. it's hard to tell whether she's serious or not. she says it every time we talk, but then she also used to say we were twins but i was cryogenically frozen for a few years accounting for the differences in our ages. so you see it's hard to know in what reality she's speaking from. i didn't really consider it until this week. i really like bar harbor. it's beautiful. and the people are nice. i don't even really mind the snow (although my patience is beginning to wear a little thin). i just don't have a community here. in two years of living here, i have made one friend (hi matt *waves*). i have had equal success meeting people in the bi-weekly jaunts home as in TWO YEARS of living here. and that is sad.
so, i'm checking the want ads in southern new hampshire. if holly knew she'd go into heart failure. it is beyond recognized evil to move home. to the place one went to highschool. evil. but, still a possibility. i'll have to think about it some more and maybe send out some resumes.

this weekend i drove an hour to return a $5 bag of hamster food after serendippitously finding the receipt on a table i cleaned. everything you need to know about me weekend can be derived from that sentence.

it snowed about 2 feet, but it's very warm out and the roads are clear. which allowed me to go to ellsworth and replace icky phone before i dropped it in a snowbank or similar. the new one is much less repulsive, has the same ringtone as the old phone (which considering is not that annoying) and best of all is free with rebate. it's kizmut.
sarah, i'm so glad you're home safe considering how much friggin snow there is. the landlords are hiring a backhoe to move all the snow. how does one hire a backhoe?

this morning when i came to work it was bright and beautiful and sunny. and then it snowed for four hours. and now, it is bright and beautiful and sunny. only you can hear god laughing in the background.

"one of those people"

i just wrote a check for the car repairs. $340.40. 'tis better than involving the insurance, and much better than pushing my poor dad over the edge. he offered to help me pay for insurance when that time comes, and as my sister said "it's better to be a heel asking for money than an accident causing nightmare". i should remind myself that i am lucky it was only that much and that since there are three paychecks this month i have the money to pay it. and now i am going to try to forget that it ever happened.
so in other news, it seems that elvis has left the building has begun a career in destabilizing hospital missionaries. while mimi was waiting for dick to come out of his surgery yesterday, a volunteer offered to pray with her. the volunteer kindly reminded her that jesus does in fact love her and mimi replied "unlike jesus, elvis died for his own sins." we can only suppose that last night over a healthy and well-balanced meal where everyone had clean hands (and hearts!) a kind, christ-loving family pondered the consequences of a world where elvis walks on water and serves his loaves and fishes deep fried.
(i should also mention that dick is in fact fine. does this count as the first miracle by elvis for his suit of canonization or are there possibly some aging showgirls with proof to the contrary?)
while i was talking to mimi last night, she related that her phone wasn't working well and it made her think of me. because it might have been broken. what further devotion can a girl ask for? the ironical thing is that last night i had to buy a new phone, and NOT because the other one is broken. i got a new phone because i switched to cingular (yes, i know they're the same now but they aren't really if you started out with at&t, amymas will understand). it is tiny beyond all reason and the only vaguely normal ring sounds exactly like someone saying "bringbringbring" into a speaker on non-stop repeat when someone calls you. although i think i'm going to bring it back for a motorola. i wasn't prepared to buy a phone last night and i know it's hard to believe but i'm a little scattered lately (really, it's a shock). you see, a rational person would have checked the other two equally cheap motorolas to see if they fit the same car charger one already owns. (DUH!) and also, the menu, it's hard. i don't get it. media mall? what the hell is that? why do i need a mall in my phone? i can't deal with all this change. the phone man was trying to sell me a camera phone...because you never know when you'll need a camera. i took great pleasure in opening my bag to show him the digital and disposable cameras i carry with me at all times. i didn't have the slr yesterday, that only comes out on weekends when i drive up the coast. and he said "you're one of those people" oh yes, sir, yes i am.

effity effing at& cingular wireless. effing bastards.

effity effing at& cingular wireless. effing bastards.

effity effing at& cingular wireless. effing bastards.

it should be known that when i point out an article such as the one below you should assume that i'm being sarcastic. actually, you should always assume that i'm being sarcastic. like when i said "my career as a rabbit didn't work out" i didn't even try being a rabbit. so i guess that was more even a lie than sarcasm. but, just to clarify, gross untruths all the fuck over this site.

big breasts do make you smarter.

i have had literally no customers today. mercy has had 2 i think...one of which was mr. enterprises who wanted me to know that another bank cashed his check for him and he thought about pulling his accounts. sir, i will not break a law for you. your sister in law at the other bank might, but i will not. it's all kinds of illegal what he did.

matt, if you are braving town today...you should come to the bank and get some carrot cake. you would not believe how much carrot cake i have. and it's good. really. if you like carrot cake. just a thought.

mr. sad dog came over to tell me last night that my lights were on. i've done this alot lately...because car does not beep(argh!). and this morning he helped me get my doors open. they were very very frozen. as in ice inside and outside the door. unfortunately he could not start his car, which was sad. i offered my services, because we know how helpful i am with automotives, but i think he's going to stay home and play with sad dog. i was going to offer him some cake but i thought that might be weird. take my cake, please!

i am going to bake a lot of carrot cake tonight. because carrots were on sale a few weeks ago and my career as a rabbit didn't work out.

and also...i might have mentioned it before...but it bears repeating: if you have a check written to a business, you cannot cash it. if you have a check written to a business, you cannot deposit it into a personal account. if you just decided to call yourself "name here enterprises" and had a company issue a check to you in that name, you are an idiot. it's not my fault. i will not break the law to help you out. especially when you are a jerk and you only had the check made out that way so your scheming wife couldn't get her paws on your money. bastard.

remember that time i drove to the grocery store instead of walking because it was raining and then i hit that car parked really close to me and then the owner of that car was all pissed off standing in the road. yeah, that was fucking awesome.

i almost forgot to update about the shark! roar!! it totally picks up dirt. even on the carpet, with the pile, you know the one which previously shunned all vacuuming efforts. i swear a tear came to my eye. it was a very special moment. and so now i must clean, or rather vacuum, everything in sight. you see, this vacuum has attachments. little hoses and nozzles for those hard to suck spaces. it's amazing. and y'all thought i was kidding about that stepford thing. sadly, no. all i need is a twinset and some pearls. and probably more hairspray. and a husband who is nice enough to lift his feet off the floor while i vacuum but doesn't put down his paper. and then i smile at the camera and shake my head slightly in that what we do for men because they're so helpless way.
please lord god send me some customers and i'll never lie to the priest again! i promise.

*sarah my love, this is special just for you...i buffed my nails last night and they are soooo soooooft. and well actually, that's about all that happened at my house last night. i did make that spinach chick pea thing you said you liked, and tonight i'm going to try to bake bread. i'm working on my degree in stepford. oh my god! sarah did i tell you i found sticky sweet rice for that vietnamese thing with the beans. i might try to make it for holly when she comes. won't we be multi-cultural?

my comment on moonshadow this morning got me to thinking about that pesky expensive education in history that i have hanging around and how maybe i should use it for something. and since i signed on to blogger instead of packing my bags to volunteer for the smithsonian, i'm going to regale you with a tiny civil war history lesson. this could be a weekly treat. wouldn't that be great. ok, well on to the knowledge. we're going to start with one of my favorite stories from the frederick area.
so, it's like before the war really started "officially" but like the abolishionists (ie: the north) and the pro-slavery-ists (ie: the south) are all angry with eachother and vying for power in the senate and settling the west in their respective interests. a few states vote to secede and a few states threaten to vote to secede. so things in the district are escalating. lincoln is getting a tad nervous as virginia votes to leave the union and a regiment from massachusetts gets called up to come to dc and post guard on the new "enemy border".
maryland, in the wake of virginia's move south, is preparing to hold it's own vote. in baltimore. baltimore is a tricky city. while geographically north of dc, it was built on the labor of eastern shore slaves and is dramatically pro-south. a lesson the fresh troops from massachusetts learn the hard way when they have to disembark their south bound train and march across camden yard to make the second leg of their journey. you see, baltimore is an excellent example of the schism between north and south, even the train lines aren't connected from the north and the south. so these northern soldiers are walking through baltimore to catch the DC train, when the locals start heckling them and throwing stones. the regiment, taken aback, starts shooting at the crowd while running flat out to catch the train.
there is great pressure from dc for maryland to vote union, otherwise washington would be surrounded by the "enemy". it's never a good idea to fight a war with your capital city surrounded and it would make lincoln look rather a fool internationally. the incidents in baltimore show public opinion favors the south. officials are pressured to more the locale of the vote, but where? the capital city, annapolis, was surrounded by union naval artillery and therefore as equally unsuitable as baltimore. said officials look west and choose frederick, a small but booming city easily accessible by train.
all of the delegates from all over maryland head to frederick to cast their votes yay or nay on the issue of seccession. on the morning of the vote, the funniest thing happens...all of the eastern shore/baltimore delegates are arrested for traffic violations and miss the vote. the motion carries to support the union and it's cause of abolition.
so what is the moral of this lesson?

i should also mention that i scored major points with my brother in law by choosing an action movie at the video store. i rented collateral. but i only chose it because it started with c and i didn't want to walk around the whole store. it was ok. a little predictable, but not awful. jamie foxx is always a good time.

my niece's first word is uh-oh. i can not bear the cuteness. and in other baby news, if you have a little one or know someone who does...they might be giants has put out the funniest alphabet album. it's hilarious.
in other very exciting news, i bought a new vacuum! it's a shark. roar! look, it even got 5 stars. my dad was raving about his new vacuum, which is not actually a shark, it's some kind of dirt devil. "you wouldn't believe the stuff it picks up, it was so gross. and you couldn't beat the price, really, the sale table at home depot. 23 bucks from 49. i almost didn't get it. but you wouldn't believe the cat hair it picks up off that carpet." (honest, word for word from my dad's mouth.) emily and i suggested he just vacuum the cat...which i think he took literally...so that should be interesting.
and blessed of all blessed events...we painted pottery. it was glorious. i made a serving dish, because my social engagements are unending...err and reid made a dinosaur. with spots. it is a seriously rockin' dinosaur.
and just because i thought it was funny...i learned that my sister's boyfriend hides chocolate around the house. so when emily says "i can't believe you came home and didn't bring chocolate" he can say "oh wait, i think there's some chocolate right here!". how cute is that?

i am hungry with a capital GRRR. and also bored. bored bored bored. blah.

how much do i love that condomania sells a ribbed hip flask?

all fired up is indeed going to be closed until april. no ceramic doodads for me. it's a good thing i have chocolate. and apparently mr. liquor store is bringing me more accoutremont for my new career as a lush. his words. some of our customers are just so awesome.
mary and i have been discussing the excellent bargains at shaws this week. and since matt and christian are the only locals, i reccomend you check your weekly circulars for the current news in savings. i think i'm going to go to ellsworth and do my grocery shopping...and fill the car at the cheap place before this crazy gas hike thing. i'm scheduled to go home this weekend, like i was last weekend, except it's supposed to snow on sunday. snow showers they say. eww i say. i'll have to call home and have them check out the weather station for me.

yesterday, because i am an undercover pimp daddy, i bought little lights for the valve caps of my wheels. i really don't know what possessed me. i have no memory of it, i swear. but it seems they are only for show and off road use. does this mean i'll get arrested. i guess jail is all part of being a pimp daddy, i just don't know if i'm ready for the commitment.
i also bought my first car air freshener. i have been sort of taken with the hula girls who shake their assets for the driving public, but thus far i've overcome the urges. and then i saw a glittery orange plastic fantail air freshener, and it was love at first sight. now i can stare at it's cute be-finned backside all around town. (sarah, it's just like fluffy! but with glitter!)
clearly i have become one of those honda people. with the diapers. i heart driving this car. a lot. and since he's so keen i've promised to teach matt to drive standard. he came in special to ask a few days ago and since it means so much to him, how can i refuse. check me, i'm so hot for honda i'm proselytizing.

will the memes every fucking stop. no. but hey this one's kind of neat.

10 things i've done you probably haven't: (in reverse order thus showing off my creativity...ahem)

10. had lunch with moonshadow matt. who showed excellent taste not only by dining with me, ahem again, but by also choosing grilled cheese and iced tea. good man.
9. been mistaken for a walmart employee more than once. (i really don't think i look that helpful)
8. almost got beat up by cheerleaders, in a library (who knew cheerleaders even went to the library...insert feminist appaul here) i don't think that's a proper use of that word...
7. handled counterfeit money someone was trying to pass as real.
6. spoken to james earl jones on the phone, albeit very briefly (dick is out of the running on this one)
5. set fire to my kitchen boiling water.
4. held and operated the bolt on a Mannlicher-Carcano
3. fainted during a lesson on childbirth in 7th grade, resulting in a concussion
2. worked for a company that sold cemetery software. who knew?
1. sold an art project for actual money and i'm still shocked.

check me out, i'm having lunch with moonshadow later! woohoo. mary asked me to bring her back a nice drink from the whale. maybe not in front of the customers. it's been a very long day, all ready. you see, when the computers go down, it sucks mightily. not just because i can't blog every 30 seconds...which hurts deep in my soul...we can't really do work. well we can, because they did have banking before computers, but oh my god with the hard. and it's not because i'm a girl and i can't do math, even though i am a girl and i can't do math, it's because i'm totally and completely dependant on the computer (which i suppose is equally pathetic and sad). you see, it has all the account numbers in it. and all the balances. and there are these rules in banking that like the cash actually has to like match. so you have to like enter all the ins and outs from the fancy adding machine and pray that it comes out even. and if it doesn't, you go down for embezzlement. which we really don't want to do. so it took a few hours, but i finally got my drawer even. if we had like, more than 10 customers yesterday, i think i might have had a breakdown. mary already had hers, but she still wants a drink. or seven.

all right, so i know that was wicked boring. but i had to vent a little. forgive me. in other news holly and i had a very funny conversation about being pregnant in the school health center. apparently this is a nationwide problem. remember how at hood you had to swear in blood that you weren't pregnant before they'd look at your sore throat. that was awful. "so, you're sure you're not pregnant" "yes" "are you really, sometimes these things happen" "no, really, it's not possible" (annoyingly saccharine smile)"well actually..." "I AM A VIRGIN/DYKE/MENSTRUATING just give me some damn antibiotics". apparently holly once turned her ankle and they gave her the third degree about it. (like the two are at all relevant to eachother. your ankle is pretty damn far from your uterus.) "don't you see me take the free condoms when i leave here, i'm not pregnant" god she's funny. maybe it is a recurring problem that pregnant women are inadvertantly given cold medicine they shouldn't have, but it sucked to have to come out repeatedly just to get your temperature read.

the computers went down yesterday. and the aftermath is not pretty. can you hear the soft weeping?

when customers come through the door and shout "wake up" i want to strangle them with my bare hands.

it's snowing again today, but it's not like real snow. flake here, flake there. we're so over it. the roads are fine, but the plowmen are having difficulty finding anywhere to put all the damn snow. i know this because every plowman yesterday said "been plowing since 2 am, nowhere to put the damn snow." and since every man in maine drives a truck with a plow (well maybe not every man, but like seriously 98/100) i heard it a whole lot. and man, did they look tired. one of mary's plow endowed truck driving sons came to pick her up yesterday, she has such nice sons. (i really only added that so i could say "plow endowed" because there's nothing like plow humor in march, in maine. but also her sons are sweethearts.)
so yesterday instead of cleaning, or doing something useful like that...i baked. we were trying to bribe dennis to come visit us, but i guess he was going to come anyway and we'll still have cupcakes! everyone wins. i don't know what's up with the suzie home maker routine of late. bake, cook, bake some more. i'm unstoppable with softened butter and sifted flour. *sarah i do have stuff to send to you, i just keep forgetting. but it's in the freezer, not like rotting on my counter. (not like the milk i left out overnight. but the kitchen is cold, and cows leave their milk out like all the time so it should be fine. probably.)

what's with me and the lists lately? i dunno but it's my dumb blog and if i want to list every single entry, i can. dammit. anyway, in no particular order:

1. our landlord is a gentleman with the snowblower
2. my neighbor, mr. sad dog, is very nice and waited till i got my car free before leaving for work.
3. he might have been so nice to make up for sad dog knocking me over into that snow drift with his enthusiastic licking. not that i need help to fall over, snowdrift or no.
4. sometimes i think sad dog sits upstairs reading emily dickinson poems when mr.sad dog is out, thus the howling. but that's probably unlikely.
5. my sister thinks i look about 19, my customers think i look about 30. what is that about?
6. the paint your pottery place is moving to where timberland used to be. just in time for holly's visit. if i don't get to paint a ceramic doodad soon i'm going to lose my shit. just like in that movie with that guy who totally loses his shit.
7. i've gotten alot of referrals about rebecca and that makes me sad. i hope you're all doing ok, anonymous googlers.
8. i got two cds last night, nirvana and pearl jam. i'm only like 15 years behind the times. sad sad sad.
9. you know what else is sad, i alphabetized my cds last night. and subdivided in more than one category. spring can not come too soon my friends.
10. we're not closing early, but the couriers are coming early. if anyone from MO calls there are polar bears walking down the street. and they look pissed.