April 29, 2005
i'm back and i couldn't be more glad. the birthday dinner was fine. his parents and grandma are adorable. just like mine, when they used to go out. his grandma ordered ribs, tasted all the cocktails and ate most of matt's steak. it was hilarious. just like my meme, only she'd have ordered a beer. i've been invited to drop by any time i like and to a series of barbecues, his mom is the cutest. we'll see how all that goes. there weren't too many questions but they were a little awkward. his brother thinks i'm a vegan, and his girlfriend didn't know what that was. and then he asked me why i don't eat meat at a table of people all eating meat in a steak house. not the place to go into depths about the meat packing industry. and then he asked why i didn't drink, again at a table full of people with drinks. and i said "my brother's an alcoholic" and sheepish isn't the word. you ask non-stop questions get used to hearing the answers.
in regards to dress, which is like the real climax of this whole thing* everyone but his mom, his grandma and i, were wearing jeans. probably it's a good idea to hit the mom's standards at a first meeting. not that any of this bears thinking about really. but he and i both really like my new khaki's and i'm officially not allowed to shop at the gap anymore.** he's always very complimentary about my clothes. i can't figure out if it's nice boy training or if he really notices. it's nice though. i reached the point long ago that i appreciate the effort of someone saying something nice just because, or even say...to get in my pants. whatever. it's nice to hear that you look pretty, or you smell nice without having to ask. me and my vanity.
*and also she seemed to really like the daisy plant i got her. after the soul deadening search for the most emily post gift.
**at first it was just the clearance section, and still usually i talked myself out of spending the money. and then i started browsing the only slightly marked down sections, but still with the guilt. and NOW i browse the whole damn store and i'm beginning to think i need an intervention.
in regards to dress, which is like the real climax of this whole thing* everyone but his mom, his grandma and i, were wearing jeans. probably it's a good idea to hit the mom's standards at a first meeting. not that any of this bears thinking about really. but he and i both really like my new khaki's and i'm officially not allowed to shop at the gap anymore.** he's always very complimentary about my clothes. i can't figure out if it's nice boy training or if he really notices. it's nice though. i reached the point long ago that i appreciate the effort of someone saying something nice just because, or even say...to get in my pants. whatever. it's nice to hear that you look pretty, or you smell nice without having to ask. me and my vanity.
*and also she seemed to really like the daisy plant i got her. after the soul deadening search for the most emily post gift.
**at first it was just the clearance section, and still usually i talked myself out of spending the money. and then i started browsing the only slightly marked down sections, but still with the guilt. and NOW i browse the whole damn store and i'm beginning to think i need an intervention.
April 28, 2005
the castine branch is very pretty. and very anti-climatic. i am the boredest amy. i was hoping it would be busy so i wouldn't have to think about this dinner...but alas. sorry i missed your call last night mimster! i went to sleep early, i think i'm coming down with a cold. which is no good at all! can't bring a cold home to my mom.
April 27, 2005
i woke up early and watched the sunrise over the cove this morning. which would be really romantic and stuff if i wasn't so damn tired now. silly lethargy. matt and i watched a jerry bruckheimer movie i can't remember the name of last night. which works because i slept through most of it. everyone was happy. we also went to rup's and were very eerily the only people there for most of our meal. but the bartender/waiter was very nice to us. this is a good time to do bar harbory stuff, before the tourists floweth over. we hiked a bit around schooner head (where i will gladly take my beloved houseguests if/when i have any) and made a seat on a very cool cave. why do you suppose boys have to lean over cliffs to see how far they can lean without falling? is that darwinism? what's the deal?
so the party is at a steak house. and he said "you've never been there before?" all genuinely surprised and i said "uhm, steak house?". what does one wear to a steak house? i just don't know. per the ever frequent norm, i'm going to bangor tonight to figure out a little birthday gift and a steak house outfit. obviously, i'm thinking about this way too much. but really, i'm like a hostage. a parent visiting hostage. argh!
so the party is at a steak house. and he said "you've never been there before?" all genuinely surprised and i said "uhm, steak house?". what does one wear to a steak house? i just don't know. per the ever frequent norm, i'm going to bangor tonight to figure out a little birthday gift and a steak house outfit. obviously, i'm thinking about this way too much. but really, i'm like a hostage. a parent visiting hostage. argh!
April 26, 2005
i'm still sort of working on going through my closet. it's a long process. but one i need to finish soon. the sooner i get the goodwill bag out of my house the less likely i'll go through it and say "maybe i could use it for a rag?" or "well, actually, it would be good for layering, like to go sledding". one, i sled not at all this winter and B why do i need rags? dusting all that nice furniture i don't have. waxing the oxidized paint on my car*. GIVE IT AWAY, GIVE IT ALL AWAY. the hardest part is telling yourself that this thing you really liked to wear, in say your senior year of highschool, is NEVER going to fit again**. even if it were still in style.
mary and sara and i were all discussing the trials and tribulations of truly purging your wardrobe. mary has pants she hasn't worn in 30 years, but still she hopes. i think when i go home i need to make myself a sign. something like "YOU WILL NOT LOSE 20 POUNDS!" and then maybe i'll really be able to make some space in the closet for things that do fit. give the fat girl clothes their due. and really, if i do lose 20 pounds...i'm going shopping. no question.
i keep reminding myself that if i have to move again there is going to be a major purge. yard sale, everything goes. well, not everything...because i'm weak, but lots of things. like the futon, that's going to the first coa student with a truck and a chiropractor, free of charge. and the carpet that refuses to succumb to my shark (roar!!!). the lamp with the tentacles, gone. i'm not going to stress over moving all that replaceable crappy stuff. and i can't deal with the single tear that will move down my father's cheek when i fill his basement with my crap again.***
so i have to look on the great clothing purge as a means to a less painful move and a more efficient way of living. very martha. god help me.
*fake boyfriend said we could repaint my car. he has both the skills and equipment to paint a car. in his garage. next the the excavator and the back hoe. no, REALLY.
**holly, remember those velvety pants. i loved those pants. size 10. can you believe my ass was ever that small?
***poor daddy.
mary and sara and i were all discussing the trials and tribulations of truly purging your wardrobe. mary has pants she hasn't worn in 30 years, but still she hopes. i think when i go home i need to make myself a sign. something like "YOU WILL NOT LOSE 20 POUNDS!" and then maybe i'll really be able to make some space in the closet for things that do fit. give the fat girl clothes their due. and really, if i do lose 20 pounds...i'm going shopping. no question.
i keep reminding myself that if i have to move again there is going to be a major purge. yard sale, everything goes. well, not everything...because i'm weak, but lots of things. like the futon, that's going to the first coa student with a truck and a chiropractor, free of charge. and the carpet that refuses to succumb to my shark (roar!!!). the lamp with the tentacles, gone. i'm not going to stress over moving all that replaceable crappy stuff. and i can't deal with the single tear that will move down my father's cheek when i fill his basement with my crap again.***
so i have to look on the great clothing purge as a means to a less painful move and a more efficient way of living. very martha. god help me.
*fake boyfriend said we could repaint my car. he has both the skills and equipment to paint a car. in his garage. next the the excavator and the back hoe. no, REALLY.
**holly, remember those velvety pants. i loved those pants. size 10. can you believe my ass was ever that small?
***poor daddy.
April 25, 2005
in case anyone else was wondering, matt my fake boyfriend does not read this site, does not know it exists and doesn't need to, i don't think. i don't know how he would feel about it, but it's mine and it's not communal property and he's not likely to run into it. how would he feel if he knew i called him my fake boyfriend. if it broke his heart i would know he was laboring under false pretenses. we've had the discussion many times, in many ways. and frankly it's just an amy-ism* that i can't change. that i don't want to change. if it's that bothersome to anyone, no one is forced to visit this site and read about my callousness. i like to think that my behavior to him is the same as to anyone else, i'm as kind and as honest and as crazy as i am with any of my other friends.
he claims to appreciate, opposed to being annoyed, that i am different from other girls and doesn't mind the oblivious thing** actually he said it was cute. but then i haven't set his house on fire yet, so i think cute might have a statute of limitations. the word he used is "eclectic". i can totally understand why he would say that, but it seems a bit unwieldy just for lil' ol' me.
so uhm yeah. i very rarely mean to offend. and if i do there usually is no question of my meaning. there might only be one way to get a direct response from me, and that is when someone pisses me off. then i can be direct and focused and sometimes articulate. in my rage. but for real, if i offend him with my language or behavior, why would he want to hang out with me? if i offend anyone here with my word usage and blaise-ivity*** there are only like a gazillion other websites and blogs to read. i don't see the point in editing myself, at this stage of my life, except for a little bit at work. and maybe a little for my family and the families of my friends****. but it's really not worth it, it's a hard charade to keep up.
*if i could edit as i speak, i wouldbut generally it's either full throttle or tortured silence, and i'm done being silent for the comfort of others (see previous post) so it's full throttle with fake boyfriends and craptastic t-shirts (hi holly!) and super natural cleaners.
**i sort of left the window on the passenger side open, when it was raining, and he didn't yell at me or complain even though his seat was really wet. additionally, i thought i had ruined my new bag and he was all concerned even though his wet seat was so much more pressing.
***this really worked, in my head.
****hey holly, remember that time i told christine's mom we were going out to do drugs and pick up whores? no wonder they thought i was the bad seed. did i actually say the whore's thing? maybe i just thought it. do you remember?
he claims to appreciate, opposed to being annoyed, that i am different from other girls and doesn't mind the oblivious thing** actually he said it was cute. but then i haven't set his house on fire yet, so i think cute might have a statute of limitations. the word he used is "eclectic". i can totally understand why he would say that, but it seems a bit unwieldy just for lil' ol' me.
so uhm yeah. i very rarely mean to offend. and if i do there usually is no question of my meaning. there might only be one way to get a direct response from me, and that is when someone pisses me off. then i can be direct and focused and sometimes articulate. in my rage. but for real, if i offend him with my language or behavior, why would he want to hang out with me? if i offend anyone here with my word usage and blaise-ivity*** there are only like a gazillion other websites and blogs to read. i don't see the point in editing myself, at this stage of my life, except for a little bit at work. and maybe a little for my family and the families of my friends****. but it's really not worth it, it's a hard charade to keep up.
*if i could edit as i speak, i wouldbut generally it's either full throttle or tortured silence, and i'm done being silent for the comfort of others (see previous post) so it's full throttle with fake boyfriends and craptastic t-shirts (hi holly!) and super natural cleaners.
**i sort of left the window on the passenger side open, when it was raining, and he didn't yell at me or complain even though his seat was really wet. additionally, i thought i had ruined my new bag and he was all concerned even though his wet seat was so much more pressing.
***this really worked, in my head.
****hey holly, remember that time i told christine's mom we were going out to do drugs and pick up whores? no wonder they thought i was the bad seed. did i actually say the whore's thing? maybe i just thought it. do you remember?
my favorite referral terms of this week are:
chilled plum hair...did it work for you, did your fake boyfriend notice?
gavrillo princip, and the life and times of gavrillo princip...welcome highschool seniors, sorry you're taking ap euro.
marden's discount, NH...there are no mardens in nh, sorry y'all. try building nineteen, my brother works there...the guy who looks amish. no, i'm not joking.
i spent saturday with mr. matt and sunday sorting my clothes for good will*. i was supposed to go home this weekend...but i am also supposed to get the car inspected this month...so uhh i'll go home next weekend. it's also been icky and rainy and no fun for driving**. so we hung out at my house playing trivial pursuit and watching movies and petting chairman meow. it was a good time. he spent his morning shaving off his beard, an act for which he will suffer mightily today. but he looks less like a member of zz top now and the change is quite pleasant. it seems the last time he sported the clean shaven look was his highschool graduation. can't wait to have dinner with his family now. actually, it can't be as bad as families previously. i'll be allowed to talk to them properly, without "don't mention this, and they don't know about that and FOR GOD'S SAKE DON'T SOUND GAY!!!". his family doesn't know about the, err, gay thing*** and it's highly unlikely (i hope) that there would be any reason to ask me about my past relationships. friendly dinner and all. deflect deflect deflect...maybe i'll stop at the church and light a candle.
yesterday i did some necessary shopping at target and the mall. i stopped in to the gap and picked up some discount t-shirts. black ones. which apparently is the only color i know how to buy. as i was cleaning out for spring i noticed that i have two shelves of black shirts, and then there's the closet. do i always dress like the devil's handmaiden or what? mary said "maybe you're a vampire?" ha, funny. she also said "you wear colors...uhm, like brown...and uhm...pink?".
*do i really wear that much black?
**matt stopped by on friday afternoon to say hi and suggest that i go home friday night so i wouldn't have to drive in the rain. part of me is like "uhm, i do know how to drive" and part of me is all "aww, he doesn't want me to die".
***i said that what he told them was up to him, i'm not ashamed but i don't see a need to broadcast either.
chilled plum hair...did it work for you, did your fake boyfriend notice?
gavrillo princip, and the life and times of gavrillo princip...welcome highschool seniors, sorry you're taking ap euro.
marden's discount, NH...there are no mardens in nh, sorry y'all. try building nineteen, my brother works there...the guy who looks amish. no, i'm not joking.
i spent saturday with mr. matt and sunday sorting my clothes for good will*. i was supposed to go home this weekend...but i am also supposed to get the car inspected this month...so uhh i'll go home next weekend. it's also been icky and rainy and no fun for driving**. so we hung out at my house playing trivial pursuit and watching movies and petting chairman meow. it was a good time. he spent his morning shaving off his beard, an act for which he will suffer mightily today. but he looks less like a member of zz top now and the change is quite pleasant. it seems the last time he sported the clean shaven look was his highschool graduation. can't wait to have dinner with his family now. actually, it can't be as bad as families previously. i'll be allowed to talk to them properly, without "don't mention this, and they don't know about that and FOR GOD'S SAKE DON'T SOUND GAY!!!". his family doesn't know about the, err, gay thing*** and it's highly unlikely (i hope) that there would be any reason to ask me about my past relationships. friendly dinner and all. deflect deflect deflect...maybe i'll stop at the church and light a candle.
yesterday i did some necessary shopping at target and the mall. i stopped in to the gap and picked up some discount t-shirts. black ones. which apparently is the only color i know how to buy. as i was cleaning out for spring i noticed that i have two shelves of black shirts, and then there's the closet. do i always dress like the devil's handmaiden or what? mary said "maybe you're a vampire?" ha, funny. she also said "you wear colors...uhm, like brown...and uhm...pink?".
*do i really wear that much black?
**matt stopped by on friday afternoon to say hi and suggest that i go home friday night so i wouldn't have to drive in the rain. part of me is like "uhm, i do know how to drive" and part of me is all "aww, he doesn't want me to die".
***i said that what he told them was up to him, i'm not ashamed but i don't see a need to broadcast either.
April 23, 2005
April 22, 2005
i think chairman meow has a drug problem. i was painting my nails the other day and she sniffed the polish remover a little too enthusiastically. she sneezed for five minutes flat, and then came back to sniff it again. she's a huffer. a fluffy huffer. what am i gonna do with her, my poor strung out fuzzy. a parent's job is never done.
we drove around the park yesterday afternoon, and were the only people on sand beach. it was very beautiful, and if it wasn't so damn cold on cadillac we would've taken the top off the car. sarah, what was the mountain we climbed with the rock that the boy scouts were trying to push off the top? i can't remember the name.
i'm supposed to teach my sister how to drive my car this weekend. hey, i didn't need that clutch. no, i'm sure it'll be fine. and i've picked up some ginger pills for the nausea. so i'm prepared. those two weeks as a girl scout make all the difference.
matt is spending the weekend working on the back hoe and painting the doors of his brothers truck. like in his garage, he's going to paint a truck. it amazes me the breadth of practical skills folks here have. hanging a deer, painting cars, building cabinets. even more amazing is the building of vehicles. the story, as i understand it, is that his beast* of a truck isn't going to pass any kind of an inspection** even with the winking and the handshakes in small town maine. so he's looking for parts to build a new one. call me crazy, where i'm from people go to this place with all these shiny car like things and uber-friendly guys named bob who waltz you through the erotic dance of car buying. no no no, not here. apparently. he's looking for the frame of a dodge truck going cheap. on which he would like to put a chevy body (when he finds one) and some kind of super-hyped diesel engine*** to form a bastard of a truck. which is what they did for his brother. i guess there's sense to taking the parts of the vehicles you like best and making something you really want. but shit, i don't even know if i have a sun roof. how does one learn all that stuff about cars? guess they didn't cover that in home ec.
*very literally
**it is older than him, and has a lot more rust.
***so he can do bio-diesel.
we drove around the park yesterday afternoon, and were the only people on sand beach. it was very beautiful, and if it wasn't so damn cold on cadillac we would've taken the top off the car. sarah, what was the mountain we climbed with the rock that the boy scouts were trying to push off the top? i can't remember the name.
i'm supposed to teach my sister how to drive my car this weekend. hey, i didn't need that clutch. no, i'm sure it'll be fine. and i've picked up some ginger pills for the nausea. so i'm prepared. those two weeks as a girl scout make all the difference.
matt is spending the weekend working on the back hoe and painting the doors of his brothers truck. like in his garage, he's going to paint a truck. it amazes me the breadth of practical skills folks here have. hanging a deer, painting cars, building cabinets. even more amazing is the building of vehicles. the story, as i understand it, is that his beast* of a truck isn't going to pass any kind of an inspection** even with the winking and the handshakes in small town maine. so he's looking for parts to build a new one. call me crazy, where i'm from people go to this place with all these shiny car like things and uber-friendly guys named bob who waltz you through the erotic dance of car buying. no no no, not here. apparently. he's looking for the frame of a dodge truck going cheap. on which he would like to put a chevy body (when he finds one) and some kind of super-hyped diesel engine*** to form a bastard of a truck. which is what they did for his brother. i guess there's sense to taking the parts of the vehicles you like best and making something you really want. but shit, i don't even know if i have a sun roof. how does one learn all that stuff about cars? guess they didn't cover that in home ec.
*very literally
**it is older than him, and has a lot more rust.
***so he can do bio-diesel.
April 21, 2005
castine. next week i'm going to castine. castine, is 80 miles away. look at this. MDI is so not close to castine. far actually. 80 miles far. you know, floaters get more money than me. i'll have to talk to the supervisor about that...
i have a bowling date tonight with my fake boyfriend. we thought it was going to rain. but it's really nice out. so maybe we'll hit the park or something. it's a kickass day to go hiking. mr. shy approves the plan and he sent back a note to ask if i was having a good day. it takes 8 seconds and it makes me so happies.
our trainee teller quit today after spending only one day with us. i swear it wasn't my fault. i was totally nice. it was something about the lifting. but still. sara swears we're not scary and she's still here...so. it gets a little old with the people calling and quitting with no notice.
the season is starting. which is good because one can go to ben and bills on their lunch break, and rosalie's will open soon and then one can gorge on pizza and ice cream. it's also good because our favorite customers will start to come in every day and we'll get twice as much gossip time as in the winter. it's bad in that parking will soon be an issue* and the crankiest of the crankies will soon be trotting through the bank asking us to cash checks from a lowes in iowa and to use the restroom which we do not have.
the bank's husband is here putting in our air conditioners. he's very nice. he trots around to all the branches doing guy things like using hammers and lifting heavy stuff. he's wearing a hawaiian themed shirt today, because bar harbor time is fun time...requiring the proper gear. he's a cutey!
i think it's a good day to go for ice cream, and i think my fake boyfriend will be easily persuaded. if it hasn't become obvious**, i'm really getting attached to spending time with someone who enjoys pleasing me so much. next weekend we are so painting pottery.
*actually not so much "an issue" as "the issue" and we will all have to spend hours listening to people complain about the parked cars that ferried their bread and butter on to the island. there is no way to win on this issue. it's two months out of the year GET OVER IT!
**or maybe i blog it every second paragraph...obvious regardless.
our trainee teller quit today after spending only one day with us. i swear it wasn't my fault. i was totally nice. it was something about the lifting. but still. sara swears we're not scary and she's still here...so. it gets a little old with the people calling and quitting with no notice.
the season is starting. which is good because one can go to ben and bills on their lunch break, and rosalie's will open soon and then one can gorge on pizza and ice cream. it's also good because our favorite customers will start to come in every day and we'll get twice as much gossip time as in the winter. it's bad in that parking will soon be an issue* and the crankiest of the crankies will soon be trotting through the bank asking us to cash checks from a lowes in iowa and to use the restroom which we do not have.
the bank's husband is here putting in our air conditioners. he's very nice. he trots around to all the branches doing guy things like using hammers and lifting heavy stuff. he's wearing a hawaiian themed shirt today, because bar harbor time is fun time...requiring the proper gear. he's a cutey!
i think it's a good day to go for ice cream, and i think my fake boyfriend will be easily persuaded. if it hasn't become obvious**, i'm really getting attached to spending time with someone who enjoys pleasing me so much. next weekend we are so painting pottery.
*actually not so much "an issue" as "the issue" and we will all have to spend hours listening to people complain about the parked cars that ferried their bread and butter on to the island. there is no way to win on this issue. it's two months out of the year GET OVER IT!
**or maybe i blog it every second paragraph...obvious regardless.
April 20, 2005
i am being shadowed today, in a very literal manner. as in i do expect her to stand behind me ALL DAY with her eyes peeled. so there isn't really a post today. i did want to say that i have the fake boyfriend every girl wants, according to holly. he called last night while i was at the mall to confirm our date for thursday and began his message with "hey beautiful". she screamed for half an hour when i called her. i love her. as i was relating the event to sara the bankteller, my mall companion, i said "but he's not my boyfriend." and she said "he's trying". so true, so scary.
we had a very good time at the mall, it's fun to go with a girl. i got a skirt i might not keep and i got some pants i have to take up. trying to find an appropriate outfit to wear for the mom's birthday. it's no wonder straight girls seem so on edge, it's a lot of work to look so casual and unfussed. i'll be gray by next thursday, i swear.
i've been thinking about a new tattoo for memorial day. i am planning to get my piercing re-pierced (it's only a very tiny bit healed and there's just a hole...might aswell try again and put a ring back in) and thinking about a new tattoo. something like the new lotus but on my back. where my father will undoubtedly see it and will subsequently hemmorhage. but it'll be so perty! something to think about...
we had a very good time at the mall, it's fun to go with a girl. i got a skirt i might not keep and i got some pants i have to take up. trying to find an appropriate outfit to wear for the mom's birthday. it's no wonder straight girls seem so on edge, it's a lot of work to look so casual and unfussed. i'll be gray by next thursday, i swear.
i've been thinking about a new tattoo for memorial day. i am planning to get my piercing re-pierced (it's only a very tiny bit healed and there's just a hole...might aswell try again and put a ring back in) and thinking about a new tattoo. something like the new lotus but on my back. where my father will undoubtedly see it and will subsequently hemmorhage. but it'll be so perty! something to think about...
April 19, 2005
and then sara pulled an amy and dropped her dinner on the floor. and since i know that territory well, i reached for cleaner in the cabinet. and she said "is that for carpets" and i said "it says all purpose" and she said "as long as it doesn't have bleach in it" and i said "no, it's super natural*" and she said "well shit, it better clean the carpet".
*bio-degradable et c.
*bio-degradable et c.
this morning just as we were starting to get our bank on* (**), mary's superior called. and she's saying "uh-huh, shorthanded, uh-huh...really. oh, ok" and on and on and i'm once again going "not me, not me, not me". but it totally wasn't so it's all good. it's even weirded than me going to the M.O., the M.O. is coming here. see, i said it was weird. they're going to be short of training capable folks at the world headquarters so the "mary 'blank' school of banking" is open for business.*** so we're going to have, like, lots of help this week. and on thursday i'm in charge of training the new person. mwa hahaha.
for the 2 people on this earth i didn't talk to last night, i have decided to meet the parents at the birthday party with the obvious focus on his mom and not me. and attempt to avoid twenty questions with the family. this be the plan. and then i had nothing else to say. but wow, we're going to have four tellers. WOW?
* my new favorite phrase...one, two years late?
(** the footnotes, atleast in this style, i picked up from one good thing. it seems superior to my excessive use of parenthesis(although sometimes i prefer the parenthesis and per mare you don't have to scroll down but then sometimes it seems more like a footnote thing than a parenthesis thing so it's a toss up and all part of the colorful tapestry of life)
***per chris, he was very surprised and is convinced they are going to relocate me. THE HORROR!
for the 2 people on this earth i didn't talk to last night, i have decided to meet the parents at the birthday party with the obvious focus on his mom and not me. and attempt to avoid twenty questions with the family. this be the plan. and then i had nothing else to say. but wow, we're going to have four tellers. WOW?
* my new favorite phrase...one, two years late?
(** the footnotes, atleast in this style, i picked up from one good thing. it seems superior to my excessive use of parenthesis(although sometimes i prefer the parenthesis and per mare you don't have to scroll down but then sometimes it seems more like a footnote thing than a parenthesis thing so it's a toss up and all part of the colorful tapestry of life)
***per chris, he was very surprised and is convinced they are going to relocate me. THE HORROR!
April 18, 2005
i just passed up an opportunity to be on tv. the network heard about the blog and...no, not really. that would be awful*. wabi just wanted me to say "good night from Bar Harbor" but i couldn't bring myself to do it. people watch the news. people who bank here. and i have a pimple. i'm not going on tv in front of a customer filled public with a pimple. mary was very disapointed in me and i promised that next time i'll do as i'm bid by the tv lady.
i got my new driver's liscense in the mail today. the bastards put your weight on it.** New Hampshire didn't do that...Maine has no class. but the picture is ok. and the service very prompt. and i got some articles from mimi, dick you can tell her they arrived and are much appreciated! also i learned that heels from target, while deceptively comfy, are not at all meant to be walked in from the bank to graves and back. ouch!
i love my new old book very much. it's circa 1853 and it is hilarious. my favorite is "from a gentleman with some fortune who saw a Lady in the park, to her mother". straight to the source on that one.
i have talked new sara into coming to the mall with me tomorrow. she has a bunch of wedding stuff to do and i have to... well, nothing really but do i need an excuse to go to the mall?
what i do need an excuse for is to get out of matt's mom's birthday dinner? it sounds like a sticky wicket. do i go? do i bring a gift? a card? what kind of gift? will his family hate me? will i really hate his family? this is so not a few weeks sort of commitment, the meeting of families is like months on my scale. but then am i the meanest girl ever if i don't go? argh! suggestions gladly accepted on this one.
*and then i got fired.
**i don't actually know my weight and i just made it up so i'm not sure if it's good or bad or what.
i got my new driver's liscense in the mail today. the bastards put your weight on it.** New Hampshire didn't do that...Maine has no class. but the picture is ok. and the service very prompt. and i got some articles from mimi, dick you can tell her they arrived and are much appreciated! also i learned that heels from target, while deceptively comfy, are not at all meant to be walked in from the bank to graves and back. ouch!
i love my new old book very much. it's circa 1853 and it is hilarious. my favorite is "from a gentleman with some fortune who saw a Lady in the park, to her mother". straight to the source on that one.
i have talked new sara into coming to the mall with me tomorrow. she has a bunch of wedding stuff to do and i have to... well, nothing really but do i need an excuse to go to the mall?
what i do need an excuse for is to get out of matt's mom's birthday dinner? it sounds like a sticky wicket. do i go? do i bring a gift? a card? what kind of gift? will his family hate me? will i really hate his family? this is so not a few weeks sort of commitment, the meeting of families is like months on my scale. but then am i the meanest girl ever if i don't go? argh! suggestions gladly accepted on this one.
*and then i got fired.
**i don't actually know my weight and i just made it up so i'm not sure if it's good or bad or what.
am i ever a happy amy to be back in bar harbor. i got quite a hero's welcome, stemming from the desperation they felt on friday. but i'll take that as a positive sign. i got to go to target and the mall twice this weekend...as matt and i hung out there on sunday afternoon. we did some shopping for our mothers (i found my mom egg cups that are cute little ladies winking and smiling, teehee) and walked around down town.* we also went to see the major motion picture, sahara, which is hilarious despite being partially cliche and obvious and having a very unrealistic civil war battle scene. sarah, since steve zahn is your boyfriend you'll love it.
i drove around with the top off on sunday, waiting in fear that my sorry ass taped up liscense plate would fly away, but overall feeling very cool in my convertableness. must invest in new sunglasses.
in weird news, mr. shy matt's mom invited me to their house for dinner last night. she has all these ideas of vegetarian food. how cute is that? i had to decline on grounds of weirdness but maybe next time. actually, next time is his mom's birthday and the family is going out. he asked me to think about coming, we're not sure. meeting the family really makes me a little nervous. they all seem to know all about me, well not all...that would be fucked up. the only emotions i can come up with are fear and "huh" but maybe that's not an emotion.
as i have, like, work to do...i can't blather on about all the girly stuff i did this weekend (bought a purse, and shoes, and a skirt...) to be balanced by the one butch thing i did this weekend (waxed my car). but whoa, i bought a skirt and new heels. matt seemed rather shocked when he asked me what i did saturday but not as shocked as when i knew the floor in his house was recycled wood beams. see, i have skills.
*where we went in to this old bookstore and i got "the fashionable american letter writer, or the art of polite correspondence" some(nay most) of you fine folks should expect some polite correspondence in the near future.
i drove around with the top off on sunday, waiting in fear that my sorry ass taped up liscense plate would fly away, but overall feeling very cool in my convertableness. must invest in new sunglasses.
in weird news, mr. shy matt's mom invited me to their house for dinner last night. she has all these ideas of vegetarian food. how cute is that? i had to decline on grounds of weirdness but maybe next time. actually, next time is his mom's birthday and the family is going out. he asked me to think about coming, we're not sure. meeting the family really makes me a little nervous. they all seem to know all about me, well not all...that would be fucked up. the only emotions i can come up with are fear and "huh" but maybe that's not an emotion.
as i have, like, work to do...i can't blather on about all the girly stuff i did this weekend (bought a purse, and shoes, and a skirt...) to be balanced by the one butch thing i did this weekend (waxed my car). but whoa, i bought a skirt and new heels. matt seemed rather shocked when he asked me what i did saturday but not as shocked as when i knew the floor in his house was recycled wood beams. see, i have skills.
*where we went in to this old bookstore and i got "the fashionable american letter writer, or the art of polite correspondence" some(nay most) of you fine folks should expect some polite correspondence in the near future.
April 16, 2005
so, it's friday morning and i am at work, per the norm, and i'm waiting to punch in* and mary gets a phone call. and she's saying "uh huh...to fill in...i'll ask her". so i'm saying to myself simultaneously "please be sara...please be sara" and also "not the shopping center, please not the shopping center" because i knew it wouldn't be sara, i knew it would be me so the first inner voice would be the voice of denial and the second the voice of abject terror. and then mary says "uhh amy, fancy going to the main office?" and i say "the main office?" and she says "yes" and i say "the main office" and she motions yes with her head. and then i guess i said "sure".** as i was getting ready to leave we wondered what tragedy could entail taking one of the three tellers from bar harbor to help out the m.o. pretty much the tragedy is that everyone of important went on vacation at the same time and per refusal to staff some departments adequately the teller line was shorthanded.
so off to the mo i went feeling sure that my style of tellering and that of the main office would not jive and atleast afterwards they'll never ask me to fill in again.
it wasn't terrible at all, seeing as their supervisor was on vacation and they were not very busy, atleast not by my standards.*** i did do like 100 something transactions but we never had a line. it's a very different atmosphere to be sure. and i missed my customers. i forgot what it's like when people assume you're new and treat you like an idiot. the m.o. employees seemed very surprised indeed to see me behind their line and the double takes were pretty funny.
meanwhile the emails from bar harbor were hysterical. they were flat out and mary had to turn away some new accounts. sara ran out of money (but didn't end up having a panic attack under her desk atleast) and she has forbade me to leave them ever again, on a friday.**** dennis seemed equally surprised that i was in the MO and i'm rather bummed i didn't get to freak him out when he walked by. that would have been priceless. as it is the computer department thinks i'm insane because they had to re-server my email so i could use it there and there were like 300 emails from dennis with the same title (you do not want to know what we were arguing about, the man is insane) and mr. computer's like "there seems to be a problem and i can't figure it out, you have all these weird emails from dennis ******" yes they are weird but they are supposed to be there. "uhm...mr. computer, we were arguing and i have to keep them so i have documentation of his hypocrisy". he didn't seem amused.
so that was my big day at the main office and i really hope i don't have to go back or become a convenient floating teller. i'm not interested. meanwhile matt called me last night from nj (where he had gone with his cousin, did i say that?) to see how my day was.***** he's coming home today, short trip. more on that monday, i'm sure.
*lest the evil of overtime wipe it's dirty paws on me.
**because i have no will and no capacity to say no.
***busy by my standards is when you completely run out of money because you don't have enough free moments to get more and then you have to hide under your desk to re-group (when there aren't any customers o'course).
****any other day it seems i'm dispensable..sob sob.
*****sweetheart.
so off to the mo i went feeling sure that my style of tellering and that of the main office would not jive and atleast afterwards they'll never ask me to fill in again.
it wasn't terrible at all, seeing as their supervisor was on vacation and they were not very busy, atleast not by my standards.*** i did do like 100 something transactions but we never had a line. it's a very different atmosphere to be sure. and i missed my customers. i forgot what it's like when people assume you're new and treat you like an idiot. the m.o. employees seemed very surprised indeed to see me behind their line and the double takes were pretty funny.
meanwhile the emails from bar harbor were hysterical. they were flat out and mary had to turn away some new accounts. sara ran out of money (but didn't end up having a panic attack under her desk atleast) and she has forbade me to leave them ever again, on a friday.**** dennis seemed equally surprised that i was in the MO and i'm rather bummed i didn't get to freak him out when he walked by. that would have been priceless. as it is the computer department thinks i'm insane because they had to re-server my email so i could use it there and there were like 300 emails from dennis with the same title (you do not want to know what we were arguing about, the man is insane) and mr. computer's like "there seems to be a problem and i can't figure it out, you have all these weird emails from dennis ******" yes they are weird but they are supposed to be there. "uhm...mr. computer, we were arguing and i have to keep them so i have documentation of his hypocrisy". he didn't seem amused.
so that was my big day at the main office and i really hope i don't have to go back or become a convenient floating teller. i'm not interested. meanwhile matt called me last night from nj (where he had gone with his cousin, did i say that?) to see how my day was.***** he's coming home today, short trip. more on that monday, i'm sure.
*lest the evil of overtime wipe it's dirty paws on me.
**because i have no will and no capacity to say no.
***busy by my standards is when you completely run out of money because you don't have enough free moments to get more and then you have to hide under your desk to re-group (when there aren't any customers o'course).
****any other day it seems i'm dispensable..sob sob.
*****sweetheart.
April 15, 2005
at the main office you get a cushy long lunchbreak...so i went shopping. i tried to get egg cups for my mom, but they weren't cute (sarah, remember the cute ones at the grasshopper in bangor...i'll go there tomorrow) and then i went to the shoe store because i really neeeeeed brown heels so i won't have to wear the black shoes with the brown belt because it's painfully tacky and we can't have that (not that anyone in this state would notice). but they didn't have any. so well go to the mall on saturday and transact that important business. ahem. and since i have a few more minutes to waste...i bought earrings. some pseudo chandeliers and some pearly pearls to match my necklaces. man, am i ever weak.
April 14, 2005
re:paying for dinner. months back, during my last trip to md, kirsten gave me a laundry list of boy/girl dating comparisons. it was as fascinating to hear it from her as it is to experience it myself. one of her top points about dating boys is that they like to pay for stuff, some kind of alpha male thing, and she suggested not only to take advantage of this but also that it is insulting not to. which i get, while having some reservations in practice. my policy in practice is to offer, accept his answer graciously either way and to always say thank you.* he usually suggests i get the tip if i want to contribute, which i think is more than fair for my part.
as i refer to later in the footnotes(but since i just wrote it, it seques nicely on my end) i've spent a fair bit of time lately trying to figure out what i want. out of life, relationships, yadda yadda. lord knows i have the time, i ought to use it eh? amymas and i chatted about our relationship stuff, such as me following her lead to purge the negative. there was a lengthy discussion about attraction. such as someone who's attractive gets less attractive if they're uhm...an asshole. conversely someone who might not spark immediately gets more attractive by the merit of their character.
this is where i am stuck right now. it's hard not to be attracted to someone who is nice to you and treats you well. and this boy, he's SO nice. he listens to what i say and remembers it. he thanks me for the time we spend together. he doesn't complain, ever. he's willing to compromise and appreciates my willingness to compromise. he's observant (he noticed the chilled plum without prompting) and complimentary, without any hint of slimyness. and i can't help thinking "what's wrong with that?". what is wrong with spending time with someone who's kind and enjoys your company, and who's company you rather enjoy too. i know part of it is lonliness. and the whole thing is weird and out of my frame of reference. but for heavens sakes, he knew that johnson killed kennedy and we could have talked about it for hours.** good sign.
*jennifer, for all the crazy and disingenuous behavior, was always polite (atleast about that kind of stuff) and did know how to behave kindly and thoughtfully. i've been thinking about that recently under the guise of figuring out what i want at the moment.
**because we're dorks.
as i refer to later in the footnotes(but since i just wrote it, it seques nicely on my end) i've spent a fair bit of time lately trying to figure out what i want. out of life, relationships, yadda yadda. lord knows i have the time, i ought to use it eh? amymas and i chatted about our relationship stuff, such as me following her lead to purge the negative. there was a lengthy discussion about attraction. such as someone who's attractive gets less attractive if they're uhm...an asshole. conversely someone who might not spark immediately gets more attractive by the merit of their character.
this is where i am stuck right now. it's hard not to be attracted to someone who is nice to you and treats you well. and this boy, he's SO nice. he listens to what i say and remembers it. he thanks me for the time we spend together. he doesn't complain, ever. he's willing to compromise and appreciates my willingness to compromise. he's observant (he noticed the chilled plum without prompting) and complimentary, without any hint of slimyness. and i can't help thinking "what's wrong with that?". what is wrong with spending time with someone who's kind and enjoys your company, and who's company you rather enjoy too. i know part of it is lonliness. and the whole thing is weird and out of my frame of reference. but for heavens sakes, he knew that johnson killed kennedy and we could have talked about it for hours.** good sign.
*jennifer, for all the crazy and disingenuous behavior, was always polite (atleast about that kind of stuff) and did know how to behave kindly and thoughtfully. i've been thinking about that recently under the guise of figuring out what i want at the moment.
**because we're dorks.
yesterday my fake boyfriend and i went to the car wash and now all the questioners of women who wash their own cars can eat it. we scrubbed and sprayed and he didn't complain when i accidentally blinded him with the power spray. i let him buy dinner but i couldn't let him pump my gas for me. too weird. did anyone know boys insist on doing this? i didn't know this. i guess they call that lack of life experience. what did he say, it was fascinating, oh yeah "you're not used to people doing stuff for you." no, no i'm not. it really freaks me out actually. i can't help thinking what the angle is when really he's just being nice.
(does it drive any else crazy how i can't go two sentences, or one even, without saying really, IT DRIVES ME CRAZY TOO!)
on the way to the car wash, we passed moonshadow matt who did not appear to be focusing his attention on the road, tsk tsk. very dangerous. we exchanged beeps and he has seen proof that i did indeed get the vanity plate i had hoped for. (and taped same to the dead center of my back window thus inhibiting sight...must remember not to put window down as will certainly lead to a chat with the police.)
i have big plans for the weekend that most certainly include waxing the car and bathing the cat. god help me. wall o'claws.
(does it drive any else crazy how i can't go two sentences, or one even, without saying really, IT DRIVES ME CRAZY TOO!)
on the way to the car wash, we passed moonshadow matt who did not appear to be focusing his attention on the road, tsk tsk. very dangerous. we exchanged beeps and he has seen proof that i did indeed get the vanity plate i had hoped for. (and taped same to the dead center of my back window thus inhibiting sight...must remember not to put window down as will certainly lead to a chat with the police.)
i have big plans for the weekend that most certainly include waxing the car and bathing the cat. god help me. wall o'claws.
April 13, 2005
this morning i went to the bureau of motor vehicles. and really it was very easy. the computers were down and the nice lady was very apologetic but it seemed to make no difference in the process. i was the second person, and i have the computer generated number to prove it. i got a new license and a vanity plate all at the same desk. the employees seemed a whole lot less cranky than in NH, the proximity to massachusetts must effect the dmv crankiness ratio. i am very excited for my new maine stuff to come in the mail.
i talked to amy the mas last night and it was the best. i am planning to come to maryland the memorial day long weekend. so uhh, get your reservations early. space is limited. or something.
i went to the mall last night, ten percent off tuesday at the gap! (although, i didn't get my ten percent off...but maybe that's because everything i bought was on clearance...but everything i ever buy is on clearance...so really it's just an excuse to go back to the mall and get it straightened out) i have some kind of gap addiction. the sales and all, hard to resist. very hard. i feel like i'm making up for lost time though...as i wasn't able to shop at the gap for a long time*. so i'm reveling in it now. and yesterday, since i was dwelling on the above, i ate chicken. not free range, evil fast food chicken that will kill me slowly...and i liked it. take that pointless harbored aggression!
that brings me to something that i never talked about here, but was probably rather obvious and known to most everyone (sorry pinky, i know i confused you). especially since the dating of the boys began. i didn't talk about it because, well...i was a tiny bit bitter and angry about it (does it show?) and also because it just didn't seem appropriate. you would think i wouldn't be so bitter and angry since it was in fact my idea and my doing, but spending two years of your life under the delusion that someone cares about you is a recipe for bitter and angry (a pinch of this, a smidgen of that). as amymas said last night, i just don't need these negative feelings in me anymore, so i'm trying to wash my hands of it now. i just don't have the emotional energy to waste on the negative. it probably still isn't appropriate to blog about it, but shit, it's my blog and there are some things i think i might feel better about if i just blog it and move on. so, uhm, this post is going to get a little cranky and really it's just for me so i can stop thinking these things so uhm, sorry in advance to everyone who ventures forward.
firstly, for the record, when i tell you my mom is going to die and you change the subject without saying anything conciliatory at all, YOU ARE NOT MY FRIEND ANYMORE. you aren't even someone i want to say hello to anymore. i call that inhuman. (this clause only applies to people who used to be my girlfriend. i have no standards for the awkwardness that this news causes, unless you are someone who used say they loved me in which case you are required to at least look a little sad when i say my mom's cancer is terminal.**)
secondly, when i drive five hours to visit my mom who is dying and you won't take a half hour trip to see me because you'll have to drive on the highway and it's scary...and then demand my apology for being callous about your feelings, well FUCK YOU.
it's so much worse than just breaking my heart because i feel stupid and used. but mostly stupid and wow do i hate you for that. i know you don't read this, and i know that jillian does. but i hope it doesn't get back to you because you won't understand. you won't be able to take in how much you hurt me because if you could, if you could account for the feelings of others, you wouldn't have been such a total bitch.
*someone thought they were evil. someone who happily shopped at old navy because they did not realize they are owned by the same folks. i enjoyed that irony more than a nice person would.
**matt makes a point of asking after my mom everytime i mention calling or visiting home. i can't remember annie ever asking about my mom. ever. as in not one single time. the difference being that matt has the capacity to think about people that aren't himself and also appears to have emotions.
i talked to amy the mas last night and it was the best. i am planning to come to maryland the memorial day long weekend. so uhh, get your reservations early. space is limited. or something.
i went to the mall last night, ten percent off tuesday at the gap! (although, i didn't get my ten percent off...but maybe that's because everything i bought was on clearance...but everything i ever buy is on clearance...so really it's just an excuse to go back to the mall and get it straightened out) i have some kind of gap addiction. the sales and all, hard to resist. very hard. i feel like i'm making up for lost time though...as i wasn't able to shop at the gap for a long time*. so i'm reveling in it now. and yesterday, since i was dwelling on the above, i ate chicken. not free range, evil fast food chicken that will kill me slowly...and i liked it. take that pointless harbored aggression!
that brings me to something that i never talked about here, but was probably rather obvious and known to most everyone (sorry pinky, i know i confused you). especially since the dating of the boys began. i didn't talk about it because, well...i was a tiny bit bitter and angry about it (does it show?) and also because it just didn't seem appropriate. you would think i wouldn't be so bitter and angry since it was in fact my idea and my doing, but spending two years of your life under the delusion that someone cares about you is a recipe for bitter and angry (a pinch of this, a smidgen of that). as amymas said last night, i just don't need these negative feelings in me anymore, so i'm trying to wash my hands of it now. i just don't have the emotional energy to waste on the negative. it probably still isn't appropriate to blog about it, but shit, it's my blog and there are some things i think i might feel better about if i just blog it and move on. so, uhm, this post is going to get a little cranky and really it's just for me so i can stop thinking these things so uhm, sorry in advance to everyone who ventures forward.
firstly, for the record, when i tell you my mom is going to die and you change the subject without saying anything conciliatory at all, YOU ARE NOT MY FRIEND ANYMORE. you aren't even someone i want to say hello to anymore. i call that inhuman. (this clause only applies to people who used to be my girlfriend. i have no standards for the awkwardness that this news causes, unless you are someone who used say they loved me in which case you are required to at least look a little sad when i say my mom's cancer is terminal.**)
secondly, when i drive five hours to visit my mom who is dying and you won't take a half hour trip to see me because you'll have to drive on the highway and it's scary...and then demand my apology for being callous about your feelings, well FUCK YOU.
it's so much worse than just breaking my heart because i feel stupid and used. but mostly stupid and wow do i hate you for that. i know you don't read this, and i know that jillian does. but i hope it doesn't get back to you because you won't understand. you won't be able to take in how much you hurt me because if you could, if you could account for the feelings of others, you wouldn't have been such a total bitch.
*someone thought they were evil. someone who happily shopped at old navy because they did not realize they are owned by the same folks. i enjoyed that irony more than a nice person would.
**matt makes a point of asking after my mom everytime i mention calling or visiting home. i can't remember annie ever asking about my mom. ever. as in not one single time. the difference being that matt has the capacity to think about people that aren't himself and also appears to have emotions.
April 12, 2005
so this morning i opened my door and it's all white, and i thought it was april. silly me. the car was very cold, and also there was snow in it. which i didn't understand at all until i realized i left the back window open (because it was gorgeous beyond measure yesterday, i suppose i should be glad i didn't leave the roof off). it was quite a shock, the snow, and i totally forgot my breakfast on the counter which i am irrationally upset about. my bagel...all buttery and alone...the humanity.
i spent my evening yesterday dying my hair and making gingerbread and speaking to everyone i ever met on the phone. and it was the best. i totally missed amymas which sucks, she left a message saying she can't do our vaca thing in may which is cool because then i can use my long weekend to visit maryland and we can take our road trip later. sarah and i talked about boys, it was the pre-teen conversation we never got to have. poor sarah has spent most of her adult life fending off sweet unnattractive young men and offered much wisdom. mimi called to tell me about a cool movie coming out soon "my summer of love" which seems like a british version of the incredible true adventures and as such should be very adorable. holly called to hear about the party and declared that grace is not a true member of my family because she didn't eat her cake. true though that is, she does have a propensity to growl which is totally genetic and therefor her identity is not in question. and matt called to make plans for this week and i told him to call me today. i can't deal with all that stimulae in one day let alone add the stress of making plans with a boy. i'm only flesh and blood.
speaking of the weakness of the flesh, i bought hair dye yesterday solely because it was on sale and i was in it's magnetic radius. chilled plum. when i showed mary the box and she looked at the color shade thing she said "what's the difference?" and i said "about five bucks" and sadly i was right. the bathtub is chilled plum, two towels are chilled plum, my hands and a few tiny spots on chairman meow (i swear it wasn't on purpose) are chilled plum, but my hair is still pretty much brown. this is the result of being rash. holly suggested i ask matt what he thinks of my hair (without supplying the details) and then burst into tears because he didn't notice. i'm pretty sure she was kidding.
i spent my evening yesterday dying my hair and making gingerbread and speaking to everyone i ever met on the phone. and it was the best. i totally missed amymas which sucks, she left a message saying she can't do our vaca thing in may which is cool because then i can use my long weekend to visit maryland and we can take our road trip later. sarah and i talked about boys, it was the pre-teen conversation we never got to have. poor sarah has spent most of her adult life fending off sweet unnattractive young men and offered much wisdom. mimi called to tell me about a cool movie coming out soon "my summer of love" which seems like a british version of the incredible true adventures and as such should be very adorable. holly called to hear about the party and declared that grace is not a true member of my family because she didn't eat her cake. true though that is, she does have a propensity to growl which is totally genetic and therefor her identity is not in question. and matt called to make plans for this week and i told him to call me today. i can't deal with all that stimulae in one day let alone add the stress of making plans with a boy. i'm only flesh and blood.
speaking of the weakness of the flesh, i bought hair dye yesterday solely because it was on sale and i was in it's magnetic radius. chilled plum. when i showed mary the box and she looked at the color shade thing she said "what's the difference?" and i said "about five bucks" and sadly i was right. the bathtub is chilled plum, two towels are chilled plum, my hands and a few tiny spots on chairman meow (i swear it wasn't on purpose) are chilled plum, but my hair is still pretty much brown. this is the result of being rash. holly suggested i ask matt what he thinks of my hair (without supplying the details) and then burst into tears because he didn't notice. i'm pretty sure she was kidding.
April 11, 2005
i didn't forget my cell phone at the bank on friday. i thought i did. i told everyone i did. my mom, my dad, my sister, amymas. but no. I AM A LIAR. because actually i just lost it in my car. my two seat tiny ass car. arghhhh. arrrggghhh again because i feel particularly stupid and upset because i missed amymas' phone call and because i couldn't call for a late thai dinner last night because i had neither phone nor number handy. it's a harsh world.
so uhm, lots of fun this weekend. meme lives in a bachelor pad, my nephew is spoiled, mom shocked the catholic relations and grace slept through the present section of her party. i fell asleep during the godfather (to no one's surprise) the new couch is very comfy and so much better than the floor at my parents house.
one day last week on the way to school, reid asked emily what a bachelor pad is. emily, having no idea where he could have heard that phrase, said "well, it's when a man lives on his own and he can be really messy and play loud music and stuff" and then reid said "so meme lives in a bachelor pad?" yes babe, meme is the bachelorette!
the other reid news is that his teacher (incidentally my sister's co-worker) thinks reid is spoiled. not in the gimme gimme gimme way. in the way that he is from an upper middle class family with plenty of time and money to care for his every need. as compared to 98% of his classmates who come from mostly poorer immigrant homes in urban lowell massachusetts. his best friend* is the only male child of an iranian family which makes them equals in the spoiled by care department. next year reid will be going to the upper middle class first grade the rest of his neighborhood goes to, for the purpose of making friends in the community. it's sad that he'll miss the diversity but it won't be any good to be that priviledged white kid either.
a whole lot of family came down for the birthday, my mom's side and my dad's side, which was awesome. my mom came down and rolled around in her wheelchair for about 5 hours(first time since february 2). actually, meme was wheeling her around and it was more than a little scary. my dad's sister in law, who was forced to convert from greek orthodox to marry into my catholic family, told my mom they were all praying for her. to which my mom said "why". it's hard to know if she was being morbid or anti-catholic, but it was not what my aunt expected and was rather entertaining.
lastly, the party was great. my sister did not freak out any more than necessary. reid spent the day in the yard with a styrofoam airplane and my cousin from the coast guard(hard to know who enjoyed the plane more). grace did not cry, even though it was her party and she could have, if she had wanted to. and my dad spent the greater part of the day asking her if she was "ready to rock?" while wearing his world's best grampy t-shirt. and then sunday he gave me girl scout cookies. he should be canonized.
*the child who is deathly allergic to bees and with whom reid was playing with their new friend "waspy" to the aneurism inducing fright of the teacher who promptly stepped on it.
(dick, as grace was asleep when the presents were opened the piggy card was not at all chewed, fyi)
so uhm, lots of fun this weekend. meme lives in a bachelor pad, my nephew is spoiled, mom shocked the catholic relations and grace slept through the present section of her party. i fell asleep during the godfather (to no one's surprise) the new couch is very comfy and so much better than the floor at my parents house.
one day last week on the way to school, reid asked emily what a bachelor pad is. emily, having no idea where he could have heard that phrase, said "well, it's when a man lives on his own and he can be really messy and play loud music and stuff" and then reid said "so meme lives in a bachelor pad?" yes babe, meme is the bachelorette!
the other reid news is that his teacher (incidentally my sister's co-worker) thinks reid is spoiled. not in the gimme gimme gimme way. in the way that he is from an upper middle class family with plenty of time and money to care for his every need. as compared to 98% of his classmates who come from mostly poorer immigrant homes in urban lowell massachusetts. his best friend* is the only male child of an iranian family which makes them equals in the spoiled by care department. next year reid will be going to the upper middle class first grade the rest of his neighborhood goes to, for the purpose of making friends in the community. it's sad that he'll miss the diversity but it won't be any good to be that priviledged white kid either.
a whole lot of family came down for the birthday, my mom's side and my dad's side, which was awesome. my mom came down and rolled around in her wheelchair for about 5 hours(first time since february 2). actually, meme was wheeling her around and it was more than a little scary. my dad's sister in law, who was forced to convert from greek orthodox to marry into my catholic family, told my mom they were all praying for her. to which my mom said "why". it's hard to know if she was being morbid or anti-catholic, but it was not what my aunt expected and was rather entertaining.
lastly, the party was great. my sister did not freak out any more than necessary. reid spent the day in the yard with a styrofoam airplane and my cousin from the coast guard(hard to know who enjoyed the plane more). grace did not cry, even though it was her party and she could have, if she had wanted to. and my dad spent the greater part of the day asking her if she was "ready to rock?" while wearing his world's best grampy t-shirt. and then sunday he gave me girl scout cookies. he should be canonized.
*the child who is deathly allergic to bees and with whom reid was playing with their new friend "waspy" to the aneurism inducing fright of the teacher who promptly stepped on it.
(dick, as grace was asleep when the presents were opened the piggy card was not at all chewed, fyi)
April 08, 2005
did i mention he also rid my house of a very large arachnid without saying "ugh, it's just a spider". i love that. that is practically a marriage-able quality (she says jokingly in a discernably jokey manner). but really, i could get used to the doing my bidding without complaint thing. power trip, i guess. i am a god who can banish species with my magical powers. or maybe i uttered an ungodly scream when i saw the thing scuttle accross the floor and pointed madly until he caught it and took it outside. but hell, it's magic in my book if i don't have to think about spidy-spiders in my room.
our new person just arrived. praise all that is holy, we can take lunch again.
our new person just arrived. praise all that is holy, we can take lunch again.
mary "can you give a dog the heimlich?" after one of our furry customers ate his bone too fast. no one seems to be sure if you can give a dog the heimlich. but fear not, the dog is fine and will live to enjoy many more bones. (aside, all of the dogs that come in are trained to sit patiently in front of mary's desk and wait for their bones. it's like her private dog fan club.)
so dinner was good, he said he knew better than to complain (which really, is a step up for me). we watched cold mountain and i learned that mr. matchmaker is coming in today with the express purpose to tease me. poor bastard, has no idea what he's in for. matt suggested "what an insensitive bastard you set me up with" but i think we're going to go with the diamonds are forever website and see if we can scratch together some bridal magazines. hehehe.
so dinner was good, he said he knew better than to complain (which really, is a step up for me). we watched cold mountain and i learned that mr. matchmaker is coming in today with the express purpose to tease me. poor bastard, has no idea what he's in for. matt suggested "what an insensitive bastard you set me up with" but i think we're going to go with the diamonds are forever website and see if we can scratch together some bridal magazines. hehehe.
April 07, 2005
since i discovered that i can speak to holly free and without minutes, we've been talking alot lately. and it's the best. i love me some holly. when we're on the phone she always asks "how is the kitty?" and i always say "furry" and she laughs every time because she loves me and she doesn't mind when i'm repetitive and insane. i was making lemonade when she called and she was very surprised(matt too) that i meant actually squeezing lemons and such. that is how one makes lemonade. she said the same thing when i made her whipped cream from actual cream. it's rather unflattering that she's surprised when i show domestic skills. i took elective home-ec. i'm that hardcore.
which is good because matt is coming over and i said i'd cook. i've been trying to think of things that won't make it look like i'm trying too hard (irony, shmirony) and aren't obviously meatless. which probably means pasta. or maybe those quesadillas. sarah?
which is good because matt is coming over and i said i'd cook. i've been trying to think of things that won't make it look like i'm trying too hard (irony, shmirony) and aren't obviously meatless. which probably means pasta. or maybe those quesadillas. sarah?
April 06, 2005
ten favorite quotes from the movies...from http://www.yanowhatimean.com/tuesday/tarchives/2004_10.ph
1. "mac, we're not bad people. we're just underachievers making up for lost time."
2. "so you're like the underground homo railroad."
3. "More isn't always better, Linus. Sometimes it's just more.
4. "you got in to harvard law?" "what! like it's hard?"
5. "it looks just like skinny and sweet, except for the little skull and cross bones on the label."
6. "stop feeling sorry for yourself, it's bad for your complexion"
7. "Imagine you're a deer. You're prancing along. You get thirsty. You spot a little brook. You put your little deer lips down to the clear blue water.....BAM! A FUCKIN' BULLET RIPS OFF PART OF YOUR HEAD! YOUR BRAINS ARE LAYING ON THE GROUND IN LITTLE BLOODY PIECES. Now, I ax ya. Would you give a flip what kind of pants the son of a bitch who shot you was wearing?"
8. "Taylor's boyfriend broke up with him from Hawaii, Howie went home with Marshall... again, Cole slept with Benji's quasi-boyfriend, and my sister ends the evening with a plea for my sperm. It's like one big gay soap opera! I keep waiting for Sue Ellen to wander into my living room and tell me that she's secretly bought controlling interest in my oil company!"
9. "You don't think I know what you're doin', do you? Goin' to the banker lady's house for popcorn and pillow talk. Goin' huntin'. What did you do tonight? Did you go someplace nice for dinner? Did you have a few drinks? Hmm? You don't think I'd like to get out some night or have a nice meal? Spend one night not thinkin' about the girls? You know what I did tonight? I'll tell you what I did. I spent it right here tryin' to figure out if slip-stitchin' or bastin' is the best way to put on a sparkly heart. Because you know what? I don't know how. The pageant judges are gonna be here tomorrow. Madison's not gotten all the way through her song. The numbers are all over the place. Nobody can keep the beat. And I'm scared to death that Jency is gonna drop her fire baton and fry like one of them Buddhist monks."
10. "I think we've all arrived at a very special place. Spiritually, ecumenically, grammatically."
1. "mac, we're not bad people. we're just underachievers making up for lost time."
2. "so you're like the underground homo railroad."
3. "More isn't always better, Linus. Sometimes it's just more.
4. "you got in to harvard law?" "what! like it's hard?"
5. "it looks just like skinny and sweet, except for the little skull and cross bones on the label."
6. "stop feeling sorry for yourself, it's bad for your complexion"
7. "Imagine you're a deer. You're prancing along. You get thirsty. You spot a little brook. You put your little deer lips down to the clear blue water.....BAM! A FUCKIN' BULLET RIPS OFF PART OF YOUR HEAD! YOUR BRAINS ARE LAYING ON THE GROUND IN LITTLE BLOODY PIECES. Now, I ax ya. Would you give a flip what kind of pants the son of a bitch who shot you was wearing?"
8. "Taylor's boyfriend broke up with him from Hawaii, Howie went home with Marshall... again, Cole slept with Benji's quasi-boyfriend, and my sister ends the evening with a plea for my sperm. It's like one big gay soap opera! I keep waiting for Sue Ellen to wander into my living room and tell me that she's secretly bought controlling interest in my oil company!"
9. "You don't think I know what you're doin', do you? Goin' to the banker lady's house for popcorn and pillow talk. Goin' huntin'. What did you do tonight? Did you go someplace nice for dinner? Did you have a few drinks? Hmm? You don't think I'd like to get out some night or have a nice meal? Spend one night not thinkin' about the girls? You know what I did tonight? I'll tell you what I did. I spent it right here tryin' to figure out if slip-stitchin' or bastin' is the best way to put on a sparkly heart. Because you know what? I don't know how. The pageant judges are gonna be here tomorrow. Madison's not gotten all the way through her song. The numbers are all over the place. Nobody can keep the beat. And I'm scared to death that Jency is gonna drop her fire baton and fry like one of them Buddhist monks."
10. "I think we've all arrived at a very special place. Spiritually, ecumenically, grammatically."
mr. shy is the nicest boy ever. fyi. we had a very good time and talked about lots of stuff and things are very positive at the moment. highlights include "you're only going to one store. i uhh i don't know what to do, i've never experienced a girl who could go to the mall and only go in one store." (there are two factors here, for those of you who know me as a shopping maven. 1. there are only a handfull of stores worth going in at the bangor mall. 2. i'm broke and i'm trying to make an effort not to be stupid). "that was the best burn out i've ever seen" although really he has no idea how much better the driving thing is. it's worse when i have an audience. (holly noted that i say "woohoo" every time there is a squealing of tires, jerking of any kind, and she seemed to think it was hilarious. fortunately.)
he took it all very well, and apparently he did pick up on the many hints (wimp wimp wimp) so it's all good for the moment. (sappiness ahead!) he said he felt lucky just to know me and if it turned out we'd just be friends that would be ok. awww. i definitely think i can talk him into teaching me to shoot stuff now. score!
in other news, i got grace the cutest little dress and a tiny jean jacket . only the one i got has girly embroidery on it and they don't have a picture of it. and if my sister hates it, there's a gift receipt. it's all good. we had a bit of a discussion on whether or not you get a one year old a birthday card. is it for the baby, no, it's for the parents really. the baby doesn't care. but we picked out a cute one, a big piggy face with googly eyes. which, if i was one, i would totally love and probably chew on in my adoration so i'm sure it's the right choice. the next question though, how do i wrap it? should i just wrap the box so you can open it really easily (pop the top off) or do i wrap it as normal so she rip the hell out of it(do they make babies try to open their own presents??? anyone?). gripping stuff, isn't it?
he took it all very well, and apparently he did pick up on the many hints (wimp wimp wimp) so it's all good for the moment. (sappiness ahead!) he said he felt lucky just to know me and if it turned out we'd just be friends that would be ok. awww. i definitely think i can talk him into teaching me to shoot stuff now. score!
in other news, i got grace the cutest little dress and a tiny jean jacket . only the one i got has girly embroidery on it and they don't have a picture of it. and if my sister hates it, there's a gift receipt. it's all good. we had a bit of a discussion on whether or not you get a one year old a birthday card. is it for the baby, no, it's for the parents really. the baby doesn't care. but we picked out a cute one, a big piggy face with googly eyes. which, if i was one, i would totally love and probably chew on in my adoration so i'm sure it's the right choice. the next question though, how do i wrap it? should i just wrap the box so you can open it really easily (pop the top off) or do i wrap it as normal so she rip the hell out of it(do they make babies try to open their own presents??? anyone?). gripping stuff, isn't it?
April 05, 2005
mary and i got the stats on our new bonus program. and it is sad. the possible outcome is not worth the work required, and is also rather nebulous. so mary and i have been thinking of ways to create our own rewards: tip jars on the counters, collecting recycling from our customers, selling our subway stamps on the street, "oh your drawer is over...put that extra right here", saving our spare change in a piggy bank, taking bank classes for free and selling the books on ebay. we're still working on it. you'd think they'd want to be more careful dealing with the people who handle so much cash.
totally and completely stolen from mare. instead of doing my bank class.
1. Post the names of 20 musicians. or 15, whatever.
2. See who can guess which is your favorite song by each.
3. Once someone guesses right, bold that row and include the song.
keith urban-you'll think of me
throwing muses-snakeface
melissa ferrick-north carolina
ani difranco
liz phair
jello biafra
kelly clarkson (laughs maniacally) breakaway
dave matthews band-two step
cowboy junkies-common disaster
the nields
jeff buckley-everybody here wants you.
catie curtis-heroes
luscious jackson-naked eye
aerosmith-dream on
elvis
1. Post the names of 20 musicians. or 15, whatever.
2. See who can guess which is your favorite song by each.
3. Once someone guesses right, bold that row and include the song.
keith urban-you'll think of me
throwing muses-snakeface
melissa ferrick-north carolina
ani difranco
liz phair
jello biafra
kelly clarkson (laughs maniacally) breakaway
dave matthews band-two step
cowboy junkies-common disaster
the nields
jeff buckley-everybody here wants you.
catie curtis-heroes
luscious jackson-naked eye
aerosmith-dream on
elvis
tonight i am going to bangor, to babygap. where i will procure some ridiculously unnecessary and heartwrenchingly adorable garments for my niece. they have tiny jean jackets. how ridiculous would that be? too cute. i've arranged for mr. shy to come with me. does he like me enough to suffer the indignities of babygap? we'll see.
as there isn't much going on today (and the tellers were much overjoyed) has anyone heard about this not using red ink on school papers because it's too stressful? it's not the bomb threats, or the drug dogs, or the bullying in schools that stresses out the students, it's the red ink on papers. ********* on a crutch.
edited to add funny ass comments for posterity:
You added too many stars to properly represent the name of our Lord and Savior.
Blasphemer.
sarah | 04.05.05 - 9:55 am | #
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i'm catholic, what do i know?
amy | Homepage | 04.05.05 - 10:17 am | #
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Do you miss the pope?
sarah | 04.05.05 - 10:20 am | #
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
uhm, is that a rhetorical question?
amy | Homepage | 04.05.05 - 10:22 am | #
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
you mentioned you were catholic so i decided to score points for inappropriateness and mention the pope. 'cause he's dead.
sarah | 04.05.05 - 10:27 am | #
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
which would be the very definition of rhetorical. i'm not sad he is dead. he was a bad man. i did not like him. hmm, condoms...thousands of dead people...hmmm....hard choice...hmmm. bastard.
amy | Homepage | 04.05.05 - 10:36 am | #
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
red is the color of the devil.
sarah | 04.05.05 - 10:44 am | #
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
whores too!
amy | Homepage | 04.05.05 - 10:56 am | #
as there isn't much going on today (and the tellers were much overjoyed) has anyone heard about this not using red ink on school papers because it's too stressful? it's not the bomb threats, or the drug dogs, or the bullying in schools that stresses out the students, it's the red ink on papers. ********* on a crutch.
edited to add funny ass comments for posterity:
You added too many stars to properly represent the name of our Lord and Savior.
Blasphemer.
sarah | 04.05.05 - 9:55 am | #
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i'm catholic, what do i know?
amy | Homepage | 04.05.05 - 10:17 am | #
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Do you miss the pope?
sarah | 04.05.05 - 10:20 am | #
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
uhm, is that a rhetorical question?
amy | Homepage | 04.05.05 - 10:22 am | #
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
you mentioned you were catholic so i decided to score points for inappropriateness and mention the pope. 'cause he's dead.
sarah | 04.05.05 - 10:27 am | #
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
which would be the very definition of rhetorical. i'm not sad he is dead. he was a bad man. i did not like him. hmm, condoms...thousands of dead people...hmmm....hard choice...hmmm. bastard.
amy | Homepage | 04.05.05 - 10:36 am | #
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
red is the color of the devil.
sarah | 04.05.05 - 10:44 am | #
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
whores too!
amy | Homepage | 04.05.05 - 10:56 am | #
April 04, 2005
my friend,union bear, sits in my living room. alone. i can't find confederate bear. every time i walk through the living room i want to say "where is rebel bear? what have you done with him? the war is over, dammit!" but that would be silly.
that post got a little out of hand. we had, like, customers. and they wanted to do, like, banking. and i got all distracted. one woman wanted us to reverse a payment she made to her old car because she bought a new one. (WHAT THE FUCK?) uhm, NO, i can't reverse a totally legal and lawfully made charge to your account. even if it was fraudulent, it takes a wee bit of work and research to make the charge go away. ARGH!!! that was first thing this morning so i started my day off as a pirate (and when i said this to mary she said she's going to finish her day as a bar wench...and then she remembered she has a class this evening and she was all upset that she won't get to be a wench today. sometimes life is hard). and then some folks from some department at the m.o. called and whoa, are they ever INSANE. someone was supposed to call me back about something on friday. and they never did. so something didn't get done (not at all a life ending type thing, just a simple paperwork thing). and today when i said "oh well, she never called to tell me what she wanted so i didn't do it" (yes, it's lame, but true) they said "she did call and you put her on hold" uhm yeah because i was WORKING. and she never called back. and they're all mad at us. mary suggested i tell her she was being childish to not call back, but i think probably i'll just be mean about her on the internet and gossip on the tellerline. oops, done that allready.
so that's why the last post sucks, and that's also why this one is so whiny. peace out.
so that's why the last post sucks, and that's also why this one is so whiny. peace out.
it was a very long weekend, even with the hour ahead business. i think it must have been the rain. or maybe the copious bank classwork i was trying to finish. i taught shy matt all about text messaging and he taught me what the kickboard of a staircase is.
mr. shy and i did hang out on friday night, and i like him much more than previously but he's a little too attached for two whole "dates"*. you know all that crap on tv about boys being all non-committal and how the girls are all scheming to ensnare them. so not reality. who knew? he did say "you seem different from other girls" and before i could stop myself i said "that's for (expletive) sure." maybe i should have explained some stuff after that. but maybe i'll invite him over again this week for a chat. we'll see.
*i can't bring myself to call them real dates, probably not a good sign.
mr. shy and i did hang out on friday night, and i like him much more than previously but he's a little too attached for two whole "dates"*. you know all that crap on tv about boys being all non-committal and how the girls are all scheming to ensnare them. so not reality. who knew? he did say "you seem different from other girls" and before i could stop myself i said "that's for (expletive) sure." maybe i should have explained some stuff after that. but maybe i'll invite him over again this week for a chat. we'll see.
*i can't bring myself to call them real dates, probably not a good sign.
April 02, 2005
April 01, 2005
things to blog about today: stalactites in my freezer, help! my shark is rabid, what is the definition of deal, and a further installment of why one does not take what i write literally. maybe that should be my banner title.
first with the stalactites, or maybe it's stalagmites. whichever one riseth from the floor of caves. that's what i made totally on accident in my newly filled, partially frozen ice tray last night and it was the coolest! i just wanted to share that because it really made me happy.
so, remember the shark! (roar!!!*). it worked so well, and sucked so much dirt, and thus filled my heart with joy and light. it totally stopped sucking this weekend. i've been rather unenthusiastic about cleaning lately so i wasn't all over figuring out the problem. i've just been amusing myself by pretending it's rabid and man eating. better to leave it alone then, eh? but then last night, with the cleaning and all, i took apart mr. shark and lo and behold, his shark jaw parts were totally clogged with virtual rabid foam. or, cat furr. it's a white cat. use your imaginations. anyway, that is why i spent an hour attacking the foam with tweezers thus redeeming the awesome sucking power. (and per the lesson learned...30 helens would agree that you can't spend too much money on a good vacuum cleaner if that show was still on the air)
dick asked me last night what "deal" means exactly and i couldn't really answer. and so i ask sarah for her input. it's a very versatile phrase. "stuff it in your deal" which i think could be any orifice really "what's her deal?" is more like...why is she being such a biatch? or "i left my thing in the deal" (and if you didn't know that that phrase is a catchall for all the things laura couldn't immediately name that last one is pretty disturbing) which probably means i left my coat in the car. sarah, any more light on this subject.
when i said we were going to cover some ground a few posts back, i did not mean that i'm going to do a power point presentation on the requirements to be my friend. i'm not actually that much of an asshole. (of course the power point is available for those interested) i was thinking more along the lines of not taking down my butchies poster. i am not going to play straight any more than i have to. playing straight is a full time job. i do it all day. at work: switching pronouns and pretending that getting married and making babies (such as the adorable one named grace pictured on my station) is a normal and expectable future for me. in the grocery store if i buy something that looks like a baking/cooking extravaganza i get "your boyfriend's a lucky man" or worse "who's this man you're trying to impress" (i really hate this woman in particular). at the car wash "your boyfriend should be doing that for you". while most of these are innocent and kindly meant, it's annoying and wearying because it is not reasonable for me to say "well gee, i don't have a boyfriend and usually i only date women but i've been moving toward a more bisexual stance lately so maybe one day there will be a man washing my car but for now can you make that a deluxe wash please?". it is not reasonable to do anything but smile and go on with my day. i do however think it is reasonable for someone who wants to spend time with me to have an honest look at who i am. i think i owe this to myself as much as anyone i'm hanging out with. i take no pleasure in being with someone with a running dialogue of "i wonder how much they'd hate me if they only knew this". i'm over worrying about what people think of me, or who i choose to date.
i realize that no one, except for maybe sarah, who isn't queer can have any idea what it's like to have none of your casual acquaintance know you. no one here, except for matt, annie and "jason" know who i really am. there are reasons for this beyond my privacy. i could be fired for it in the state of maine (that is not my company's policy, luckily) and it would be legit (but there is a new bill). it is also a small town, and while i don't expect violence i also don't need the attention. if i choose to let someone in, i choose to give up the pre-tense. i'm not going to pretend that all of my adult life and a large part of who i consider myself to be doesn't exist to keep anyone's friendship. i've done it. it was called highschool.
so uhm, the theoretical line in the sand is not hiding the pictures of amymas in drag because it might look "gay", she's one of my favorite people and i'm proud to know her. ditto shannon. ditto my butchies poster and the rainbow nuns. ditto the rainbow on my fridge and the human rights campaign symbol on my door. i've done the hiding who i am thing, and it's SO not worth it. i'd rather spend my evenings drawing on my own than in the company of someone who thinks my choices are wrong or inferior.
*i do know sharks don't go roar!!! but don't you think they would if they could. and besides, vacuums totally go ROOOOOOOOOOOAAAAARRRR so it's all good.
first with the stalactites, or maybe it's stalagmites. whichever one riseth from the floor of caves. that's what i made totally on accident in my newly filled, partially frozen ice tray last night and it was the coolest! i just wanted to share that because it really made me happy.
so, remember the shark! (roar!!!*). it worked so well, and sucked so much dirt, and thus filled my heart with joy and light. it totally stopped sucking this weekend. i've been rather unenthusiastic about cleaning lately so i wasn't all over figuring out the problem. i've just been amusing myself by pretending it's rabid and man eating. better to leave it alone then, eh? but then last night, with the cleaning and all, i took apart mr. shark and lo and behold, his shark jaw parts were totally clogged with virtual rabid foam. or, cat furr. it's a white cat. use your imaginations. anyway, that is why i spent an hour attacking the foam with tweezers thus redeeming the awesome sucking power. (and per the lesson learned...30 helens would agree that you can't spend too much money on a good vacuum cleaner if that show was still on the air)
dick asked me last night what "deal" means exactly and i couldn't really answer. and so i ask sarah for her input. it's a very versatile phrase. "stuff it in your deal" which i think could be any orifice really "what's her deal?" is more like...why is she being such a biatch? or "i left my thing in the deal" (and if you didn't know that that phrase is a catchall for all the things laura couldn't immediately name that last one is pretty disturbing) which probably means i left my coat in the car. sarah, any more light on this subject.
when i said we were going to cover some ground a few posts back, i did not mean that i'm going to do a power point presentation on the requirements to be my friend. i'm not actually that much of an asshole. (of course the power point is available for those interested) i was thinking more along the lines of not taking down my butchies poster. i am not going to play straight any more than i have to. playing straight is a full time job. i do it all day. at work: switching pronouns and pretending that getting married and making babies (such as the adorable one named grace pictured on my station) is a normal and expectable future for me. in the grocery store if i buy something that looks like a baking/cooking extravaganza i get "your boyfriend's a lucky man" or worse "who's this man you're trying to impress" (i really hate this woman in particular). at the car wash "your boyfriend should be doing that for you". while most of these are innocent and kindly meant, it's annoying and wearying because it is not reasonable for me to say "well gee, i don't have a boyfriend and usually i only date women but i've been moving toward a more bisexual stance lately so maybe one day there will be a man washing my car but for now can you make that a deluxe wash please?". it is not reasonable to do anything but smile and go on with my day. i do however think it is reasonable for someone who wants to spend time with me to have an honest look at who i am. i think i owe this to myself as much as anyone i'm hanging out with. i take no pleasure in being with someone with a running dialogue of "i wonder how much they'd hate me if they only knew this". i'm over worrying about what people think of me, or who i choose to date.
i realize that no one, except for maybe sarah, who isn't queer can have any idea what it's like to have none of your casual acquaintance know you. no one here, except for matt, annie and "jason" know who i really am. there are reasons for this beyond my privacy. i could be fired for it in the state of maine (that is not my company's policy, luckily) and it would be legit (but there is a new bill). it is also a small town, and while i don't expect violence i also don't need the attention. if i choose to let someone in, i choose to give up the pre-tense. i'm not going to pretend that all of my adult life and a large part of who i consider myself to be doesn't exist to keep anyone's friendship. i've done it. it was called highschool.
so uhm, the theoretical line in the sand is not hiding the pictures of amymas in drag because it might look "gay", she's one of my favorite people and i'm proud to know her. ditto shannon. ditto my butchies poster and the rainbow nuns. ditto the rainbow on my fridge and the human rights campaign symbol on my door. i've done the hiding who i am thing, and it's SO not worth it. i'd rather spend my evenings drawing on my own than in the company of someone who thinks my choices are wrong or inferior.
*i do know sharks don't go roar!!! but don't you think they would if they could. and besides, vacuums totally go ROOOOOOOOOOOAAAAARRRR so it's all good.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
